Texas Cinderella

I have a BF!!!

2010-05-07T13:10:00.003-05:00

Wow, it's been a while! What I've been up to:
-had a blast in St. Lucia for D's wedding. Destination wedding is definitely in the cards for me...one day!
-I'm still dating the German, K and am going to the lake district in Italy (think Clooney's house on Como) in a couple weeks to meet the parents. The mom does not speak a word of English. Lots of smiling and nodding will be going on!
-I'm at home right now for my friend V's wedding - always a bridesmaid, never a bride! K sent me 36 assorted roses yesterday...so sweet!
-Things are different with K. I'm not anxious or freaking out with him. He is incredibly honest and reliable and I just feel secure with him. He gives the best bear hugs and doesn't let go and is a great cuddler! His English sometimes gets mixed up and makes for some great laughs but he also gets my sense of humor and can grasp it. He wants to take me away...and I believe he actually will!
-While everything is going well in my personal life - bf, great friends and family - my work life is not so much. I've been unhappy in my job since I moved back from NY and started at this company. It really is a great company but the job is just not for me and starting to get really political. Like sometimes I'm in a sick twisted novel...so petty. So I will be on the hunt and hope to be able to get back into retail/luxury brand again. It all depends on my flipping visa though...

So I'm happy (with exception to the job) and looking forward to this summer. Isle of Wight music festival complete with tents and wellies, Cinque Terra with my close girlfriends and hopefully Bali in the Fall. Lots going on and I promise to be better about blogging!

St. Lucia, Baby!

2010-03-17T13:36:00.002-05:00

I'm in sunny and hot St.Lucia for one of my best friend's weddings. I've been here for a couple days to start on my tan and relax and unwind but I can't wait to catch up with my old friends and see my best friend C and her hubby. It's an all inclusive resort with all you can eat and drink. I'm hoping I can still fit into my bridesmaids dress on Saturday!

Happy St. Paddy's Day!

Too much information (Updated)

2010-03-03T12:12:00.001-06:00

I need to vent for a sec: I'm so annoyed! I ran into Mark B. (South African Mark's friend) at lunch today and went over to his table to chat for a second.
This was the conversation:
Mark B.: I heard from Mark today.
Me: Oh really, how's he doing in Paris?
Mark B.: He really likes it and didn't say too much about what he's doing work wise but that there are a bunch of French hotties all around him!
Me: (raised eyebrows).....that's awesome...

WTF???????????
My stomach dropped and I felt so jealous. ahhhH!

Whatever - I'm on my way to meet up with Zee German for dinner and drinks tonight...

Update: Had a nice date with Zee German. We somehow ended up in a gay bar in Soho where I was the only girl. I had to go to the bathroom at one point but couldn't find it. On of the patrons that looked like a cuddly bear and dressed in leather, told me "Just use the gents, we're all girls here." Hilarious!
The best part of the evening was randomly running into Mark B.'s gossipy roommate at another pub later that night. I got great satisfaction telling him I was on a date. It also didn't hurt that Zee German was looking rather cute in his suit. I turned to look back and all of his friends were giving him the thumbs up sign about me and he was busyly sending a text to someone. No doubt Mark will be hearing about this!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Hammersmith,United Kingdom

Bikram

2010-02-27T05:32:00.001-06:00

On my way to my first bikram yoga class. That's 100 degrees F for an hour and a half. What have I gotten myself into???

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Camden Town,United Kingdom

Goodbyes

2010-02-18T14:35:00.003-06:00

You know what really sucks? Losing another grandparent in the span of six months and having to say goodbye to your 90 year-old grandmother because she's "ready to go". She's been in the hospital since Monday and isn't eating or drinking and the doctors have called in Hospice. It's also heartbreaking to speak with your bawling father on the phone while he watches his mother slip away.

I remember climbing onto her plump lap as a little girl and using her massive boobs as pillows and inhaling her distinct "Mimi" smell of Avon Skin So Soft and peppermint oil. Where she use to be twice my size, she's now smaller than I am and wasting away.

I know she's looking forward to seeing my grandfather, who died 7 years ago, in Heaven but she will be missed by her four children, eight grandchildren and eight great-grandchildren.

You hear it first

2010-02-16T13:13:00.005-06:00

News...
I got a mass email from Mark today informing us that he will be out of London for the next year. Turns out he's moving to Paris on Monday. Slightly sad about this because a) there isn't time to say goodbye as he's going to Iceland on Thursday until Sunday and b) he's missing Skully's return from Dubai drinks on Friday. The ones I was excited to see him at so I could speak Spanish to him. He did say in our brief emails that I could come and visit after he was settled in. We'll see. Plus he'll be in London often so I'm sure I'll see him but I'm just bummed.

-Almost at the same time that I received Mark's email, Graham emailed me to tell me that he's back at our company. Luckily he's not in our building which I was totally freaking out that he was until he said he was at the satellite building. Phew! We're friends and I've come to the decision that he has autistic tendencies and until he turns them around that's all we can ever be. He turns 36 on Saturday...you would think he'd be a grown up by now.

-I can't remember if I wrote about a German guy I met at a dinner for work last year. At the time I told him to facebook friend me and he said he wasn't on it. Somehow it came out that he had a long distance girlfriend somewhere and that's when my interest level stopped. We texted back and forth a couple days after he went back to Germany but I left it since I didn't want to be a home wrecker. Cut to last week and he asked me to be his friend. I accepted and then looked at his profile and I’m his only friend. It’s like he signed up just to contact me.

He messaged me and asked me out for drinks because he’ll be in town on Thursday but I have plans…he lives in Birmingham (UK not Alabama) now which is only an hour or so away from London. I unfortunately already have plans on Thursday so I told him to let me know the next time he’s in town and we can meet up. He wrote back that he would like me to be his tour guide and that he would come down for a day. I wrote back "As long as your girlfriend won’t mind you can come on Sunday". I figure that way he won’t think he’s staying over or anything since it’s a week night. He told me not "to concern myself about a girlfriend".

Not sure if he's being sleek or speaking German-English for "we broke up" but I guess he's coming on Sunday.

Testing 123

2010-02-13T17:44:00.000-06:00

Just got my iPhone and am trying it out.

Happy Valentine's Day!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:London

Just call me Gwyneth

2010-01-28T13:49:00.007-06:00

I just got back from my 3rd ever acupuncture appointment.

Everything was going as usual. Tiny needle prick that doesn't hurt on my back here. Tiny needle prick there. And then holy hell, a sensation that I can only imagine feels like those super sucker fish that suck the algae off of whales and sharks on my lower back FIVE times, with no warning I might add. For the next 30 minutes.

Cupping.

It hurt but also felt really, really good.

I am now sporting 5 round hickeys on my lower back with no sign of them disappearing any time soon.

Now if only I was married to Chris Martin. Sigh.

Se habla Espanol!

2010-01-24T13:37:00.003-06:00

My 2010 started off with an embarrassing bang. I went home for Christmas for a week and then came back to London to ring in the new year in style. My friend Shelby belongs to a swanky members only club in Mayfair and we decided to get a table for the night. Since our regular gang of Americans were still in the states and her boyfriend was in Switzerland, we had that much more alcohol between us. And drink it we did. Starting with half a bottle of champagne each for the pre-party at her (boyfriend’s) penthouse flat in Belgravia, a super strong vodka soda that we could light our breath on fire and topping it all off with our bottle service of Croatian vodka that tasted like nail polish remover. Needless to say we were housed. They played really good music and we danced the night away. Shelby captured the (unwanted) attention of an English accented Mexican fellow who bought us shots of tequila and I showed them all how it was done. I vaguely remember calling my and Mark’s (aka Saf) mutual friend to get his number since I had erased it from my phone. I don’t know if you remember but I have a problem with drunk texting and dialing. For some unknown reason she gave it to me after I promised that I would only text him “Happy New Year!”. She has now learned her lesson that I also tell white lies when drunk. I saved the number to my phone and proceeded to text him 5 times with two “where are you?”, one blank text, one “are you alive?” and one “dude” text. I have no recollection of getting home but thankfully I did and I woke up in my birthday suit with my clothes from the night before strung all over the flat. Classy.

The next day and the day after New Year’s Day, I suffered from the worst hang over ever. Two days of hell. I checked my phone to assess the damage and found the text messages and also that I had called him as well. I agonized over the fact of how obnoxious I was with the texts and how I showed how I can’t handle my liquor once again (there’s a back story with him that may or may not involve me hammered and grinding him up against a wall). Monday morning rolled around and I figured out that the text messages that I had sent actually had an extra number in it so therefore my texts didn’t go through! Eureka! I was sooo ecstatic that he didn’t see them and that he just had a missed call from me and that he would think I dialed him by accident.

An hour later my bubble was burst when I received this email from him:

Hey!
Happy new year.

Do you by any chance recall phoning me about 5 times and leaving me messages in Spanish on my voicemail?? Haha – classic! I didn’t even get drunk on new year’s – I wanted to be fresh and non-hung-over for skiing

Um…so much worse than the original texts! And speaking another language! WTF? I guess I had been speaking Spanish to the Mexican guy and it carried over to me leaving messages. When I stopped laughing and dying of mortification, I knew I had to write him back but not seem all eager beaver and like I was in love with him since I was clearly thinking of him on New Year’s Eve of all nights!

I wrote back:

Who knew the combination of champagne and vodka could make me so bilingual! Haha – sorry about that. Hope you had a good time skiing. Happy New Year!

And scene.

Skully is coming to London in February (he’s working in Dubai) and has organized drinks which I’m sure will include Mark.

I think I'll greet him with “Hola! Como estas!”.

Who does this?

2010-01-21T16:34:00.004-06:00

From: Crazy IT guy that licks his hands after sneezing (WTF?)
Sent: 21 January 2010 07:00
To: Coworker
Subject: Whistling

I am fairly sure you are the culprit. But if not then my apologies and please forward onto the actual culprit.

Do you realise how distracting your whistling is? Numerous times in the last few months (and beyond) my concentration on important and critical tasks that affect the health and well being of our company have been interrupted by incessant, distracting and irritating whistling in the room. I have asked before, and I ask again. _Please_ can you stop whistling on our floor. This is an open plan office, and your noises do affect the people around you and the jobs they are doing. (I know I am not the only person distracted by the whistling.)

Thanks.

-Crazy IT guy that licks his hands (LICKS HIS HANDS!) after sneezing (again seriously, WTF?)

2010-01-13T15:35:00.002-06:00

Let your net always be cast and in the pool in which you least expect, there will be a fish.
-Ovid

2010...Let the games begin!

2010-01-10T18:06:00.003-06:00

Wow...it's been awhile. And oh how I've missed you. I promise I'll be back...even if you guys have all but disappeared. I need an outlet to get stuff out...whether good or bad. Just bought a netbook so will be writing more. Promise.

Happy New Year! I think it's going to be a good one.

Suffocating in doubt

2009-09-01T14:28:00.003-05:00

Hi all...sorry it's been soooo long. I had every intention to write while I was recovering but then my 5 weeks off work went by in a blur and here I am. It's been a pretty bad summer....one of the worsts yet.

Here it goes:

1.) My grandfather died 2 weeks ago to his battle with cancer. I flew back for the funeral and it was all surreal. It's not really real to me and I think it's weird that I haven't cried, really cried, since my hysterical sobbing at the cemetery. Christmas is not going to be the same nor is my life. From being an active, hilarious, golf playing, world traveling grandfather to one that I would speak to laying in a hospital bed to weak to even carry on a 2 minute conversation (that killed me). I must have done all of my crying the 2 weeks before his death but I still tear up. I'm just sad that my future husband* and children will never know such a hilarious man.

2.) I'm healing fine. I can now work out and am walking around normal but still have a tiny pooch that will go down with exercise and still a little sore. I'm glad the doctor got all the fibroids out but stressed to know I have endometrosis which also effects getting pregnant. Which I'm not and even if I was trying...which leads me to

3.) Boys. I could have really used bear hugs and back rubs during this time (of my grandfather) but boys basically suck right now. Have I told you how sick I am of guys promising me the world and then not delivering? Well, I am. And I just feel like I'm not worth the effort for these guys to be in a relationship. I went out with Safa and his friends and after chatting and a few cocktails I learned that surprise surprise he's not going to Bali anytime soon and when I asked him why we weren't dating then (since that was his reason for bailing) he said he was "comfy". Can I tell you how much I HATE that word? So basically he's comfortable hanging out with his friends and drinking and doesn't feel like I'm worth the effort. I'm also sick of having communication via text/email only in between seeing them in person. You can't build a relationship on this. I also don't know what to do with "I haven't counted you out (dating you)" said by another bozo. Then get off your flipping ass and actually date me.

I know what I want out of life but I'm overwhelmed with fear of getting cancer, not finding my soul mate and having kids (at a reasonable age). I'm also stressed with the time difference and trying to connect with my friends to find out how their lives are going...and I know it shouldn't be all on me to make the effort but I'm the one that chose to live here.

A little down in the dumps, which is not to say that I'm not going out...which I am a lot actually. Trying to keep myself occupied with friends and work. I just hope time heals all of this and I can be truly happy sans medication.

See you on the flip side

2009-06-14T16:08:00.003-05:00

Well hello there. Lots has been happening since I got back from the states a couple weeks ago. Firstly, it turns out that my grandfather has Stage 4 cancer and it is in his lungs, hip and lymph nodes. He is undergoing radiation and chemo and seems to be in good spirits. He hasn't had any bad reactions to the chemo which is good and I hope he starts to feeling better but I know that it will get worse before it gets better. I'm trying to stay positive because I feel like it really is mind over matter.

Secondly, I'm going in to the hospital tomorrow to give birth to my fibroids via c-section. I'm super duper nervous but in the last couple of weeks I've been increasingly more and more uncomfortable. Just want the surgery to be over with and the healing to begin. My mom got in today and will be here for the next 2 1/2 weeks to help me. I'm off work for a month and while that sounds great, I know it will be extremely painful. Ahhhhhh!

Thirdly, on the boy front it's kind of eh... Saf is about to loose his job and then go traveling (as we had already discussed) and can't start a relationship right now knowing that he's leaving. We both handled it very well and he really is a great guy. I know I'll see him in the future because we have so many mutual friends but also because he wants to stay in touch and already has by checking on me before my surgery. Richie and I went out on Thursday night and while I had fun, I just know in the back of my mind that he's a bit of a player. I told him about my surgery and he said he would come over and cook for me so I'll just have to wait and see when and if he follows through. I'm also in the mindset that I can't really start anything right now because I'm going to be on house arrest (not really) but out of commission for a while. So my feeling right now is indifferent. Richie is a very good kisser but he totally gave me beard burn to the point that my lips are peeling like crazy. My mom looked at me funny and asked what were wrong with my lips and what I'd put on them to make them flake. That was an awkward turtle conversation!

So I'm sure I'll be blogging a lot more since I won't be so busy running around trying to get everything done before I'm moving like a snail. Hope all is well and see you on the flip side.

Goings Ons

2009-05-18T16:10:00.004-05:00

Sorry I've been m.i.a. I've had a lot going on with work and personal stuff....here's the run down:

1) My grandfather may have lung cancer and kidney cancer. He is undergoing several biopsy’s to figure out what is wrong with him. He’s only 80 and we’re very close so this is hitting me especially hard.

2) I have to have a c-section sometime in the near future to take out fibroid tumors in my uterus and one that is pressing on my bladder. I went to the gyno because I was having irregular and brutal/painful periods and they did an ultrasound and MRI and came to this conclusion. My mom is going to have to come over for 2 weeks to help me as I will not be able to walk/work for 4 weeks. Not looking forward to it but if it will let me have a baby in the future then so be it. I had my appendix taken out laproscopically and that hurt like a biotch with 3 tiny incisions in my stomach muscles…I can only imagine what a 6 inch gash is going to feel like.

3) Of course I’ve finally mastered the art of dating; ie dating multiple people and just having fun (in a non sexual way). I’m in the narrowing down phase but it really has taken the pressure and usual psycho analyzing out of the equation and I’m actually able to enjoy dating again.
The contenders are:
Saf (South African) – The very same from February that I peed in the bush with. I randomly met up with him and some of his friends a couple of weeks ago. Needless to say Saf was three sheets to the wind and professed that we needed to date. The only consolation is that he may or may not loose his job soon and if he does then he’s off to Bali to surf for 6 months. We went out a couple of times before he left for Germany for 2 weeks to cycle the Danube river. He’s very outdoorsy and very funny and I can't wait for him to come back.
Richy (British) – nickname because he owns 3 companies and wined and dined me when we went out. I met him in March at a bar and gave him my card but didn’t go out with him until the beginning of May. We had a great time but I have this feeling he’s a player…35 still single and cash to burn. He keeps telling me he wants to see me but is yet to make plans to actually do it. He does call so that's good...but maybe not enough. He's too busy hanging out at Richard Branson's house it seems. All games and I’m not having it really.
Bartender (Aussie)– my flatmate and I had a cinco de mayo party a couple weeks ago and we went to our local pub beforehand for dinner/stomach lining. The cute Australian bartender and I had been making eyes at each other for about a month so I got up the courage to ask him how to make a margarita. He didn’t know how but I somehow invited him to our party and clichély gave him my number on a cocktail napkin. He had to go out with friends that night but he texted me and sometime in the future I’m sure I’ll try his concoction of a margarita.

4.) Is it bad that I'm stressing out that my dating life will go to pot when I have my surgery? My friends say that will be the true test of character for the person I'm dating and how they handle the situation. Blah.

5.) I’m going to Boston on Thursday to visit my friend Christina and her husband and meet their little 1 ½ year old daughter, Paige. They have another one on the way and I’m excited to hang out in Beantown. Hello lobster rolls and clam chowder! I was supposed to stay until Sunday but have changed my ticket to fly down to New Orleans on Saturday - Monday to spend time with my parents and grandparents. The grandparents don’t know that I have to have the surgery but I wanted to see my grandfather while I was in the states in case (heaven forbid) something were to happen while I’m laid up in bed and can’t fly home. I’m surprising them so hopefully they like they’re treat!

6.) Other than that, I’ve been hanging out with friends, working a lot and going to concerts like a fiend.

I missed you guys!

Positive Thoughts/Prayers Needed

2009-03-23T16:32:00.003-05:00

I've been super busy with work but wanted to take time to ask you guys to please send positive thoughts to Golightly. She was in a very bad car accident a little over a week ago and hasn't woken up yet. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

It's funny that I've never met her but I know almost every detail about her life and she mine, through blogging. She's one of the people that I know I can count on and look forward to hearing her opinion on whatever is going on in my life at the time. I have to keep praying that one day she'll be back with her witty comments and sage advice. She has a wedding to plan and so much to live for. It really makes you sit up and think that everything can change in an instant.

For updates please visit: http://pecosgirl.blogspot.com/

Am(bushed)

2009-03-02T14:05:00.004-06:00

Saturday night was fun...well what I can remember of it. I confused my Pinot Grigio for water and proceeded to get druzunk. The first part of the party, Saffa and I had great conversation and things were chill. Then the Skully commented that we should kiss already (which we didn't but flipped him off instead).

Later on, the alcohol may have told him that I was interested and if talking to his friend's ex weirded him out. His reply nope. But, I learned that he was breaking things off with a girl he had been seeing for the past 2 months because he's planning to leave London soon and it wouldn't be fair for her. So baggage and him leaving is a huge factor right there. We caught the last train together and it ended up stopping one stop short of my neighborhood so we had to walk a ways. I remember claiming that I had to pee and luckily we walked up to a bushy area. Needless to say, I peed on one side and he peed on the other. Do you know what that means? We could HEAR each other! (I didn't not remember this bit of info until I had flashbacks on Sunday morning). Mortification!

I remember us laughing the whole way home. In true retardedness, I said well I guess I'll never see you again when he dropped me off at my door. He replied that him and his friend's were going to the restaurant (where we all went a couple weeks ago) on Monday. He said that he would email me on Monday and I told him he wouldn't. We pecked on the lips a couple of times and I told him to prove me wrong. Yeah he didn't...I guess he meant next Monday - because I didn't receive anything.

Saffa and our mutual friend (she actually wanted to set us up in December) are going to dinner on Thursday and I can't wait for her to tell me his version of what happened. I rehashed everything for her at lunch today. Answering the call of nature in the bushes was pretty random and out of control though. At least it makes for a good cringe worthy story!

I don't feel anything one way or the other...I just wish people would stop telling me what they think I want to hear and then not follow through (even if they think I'm too drunk to remember).

Crush Attack? It's back!

2009-02-23T12:53:00.004-06:00

Finally. But, of course, with complications.

Skully and I are friends. Truth be told, we may or may not have hooked up before he left for Australia in December but I know that things would never work out with us however I do enjoy hanging out with him.

Skully asked if I wanted to meet him and his friends (all guys except for 1 girl) for dinner last week. There was a guy there, Saf (South African), that I met a month prior at a mutual friend's birthday party and we both recognized each other. Skully and I caught up by the bar while we waited for our table and I learned that he was living with a girl he started seeing before he left for Oz. He's one of those guys that can't be alone. There were about 10 people at dinner all Australian except for Saf and I and we sat near each other and enjoyed witty banter. He's extremely funny and very cute. Extremely outdoorsy - he rode his bike to the pub. The only downfall is that he's one of Skully's really good friends that I've heard stories about and in which I'm sure he's heard (sexual) stories of me.

After dinner, we all went to the pub and Saf and I chatted away the rest of the night. I felt like I could be myself and I could also tell that he was hanging on my words just as much as I was hanging on his. The only problem was when I made it known that I was maybe interested in Saf to Skully after he made a comment that Saf was single. He said he still had feelings for me and that that would be weird and I gave the rebuttal that he LIVED with someone so therefore had no say. He said he would have to learn how to be my friend. A couple of awkward comments were thrown into the mix by him for added measure but Saf and I pretended to ignore it and I said repeatedly to the group that Skully and I were just friends. Skully took me aside said that I would have to ask Saf out for coffee (because apparently he's shy...which I didn't see at all) and that I would have to wait 3 dates for the first kiss. I'm not sure if he is trying to detour me (which it didn't besides having to ask him out...neg) but I can only imagine what he's saying to Saf. I can't stop thinking about him, which is a welcome distraction and I just wanted to be around him the whole night and can't wait to be around him again.

It turns out that there is a party on Saturday that these guys are also invited to. I made sure to let Saf know that I was going and that they should all go along. So we'll see. I don't know if I should be the one to initiate since I dated his friend or what. Mandy says I should just say we should hang out sometime...

I guess what I'm asking is, what's the rule for dating your ex-boyfriend's friend and how do you go about doing it?

It's not me, it's actually YOU

2009-02-15T05:28:00.006-06:00

Hello. Sorry it's been a while. Basically I've been really depressed lately and it's to do with the sad fact that I tried to work things out with Graham again for the past 2 months. I guess I was slightly (read: really) embarrassed that I was being pathetic by wanting to be with him. Then I went to Austin for a wedding two weeks ago and texted with him while I was there but when I got back he disappeared. So after much angst I confronted him by balling my eyes out that he either wanted to be with me or not. Valentine's Day came up and he said he had plans with his friends. He wasn't willing to break them and after I poured my heart out you would think he would fall all over himself to do anything to make me happy. Short story he's selfish and I'm pretty sure talking to other people...he has a match.com account that I found (because I'm a super sleuth and I called him out on it in December that he didn't let me in because he was cheating and dating other people which he assured me wasn't the case while we were dating the first time). I didn't look to see when he logged in this time because that would only make me crazy and plus I trusted what he was telling me although his actions never matched them. I reached my breaking point and walked away on Thursday. I wasn't being fucked but more like mind fucked and those are my last words to him. I looked up his profile that night and sure enough the last time he logged in was 5 days ago. So I'm done for real this time. I still want all of the things he was claiming he would give me but I don't want it with someone like him. This whole time I thought it was me. If I just act this way he'd fall in love with me. If I wear skirts every time I see him he'll treat me differently. But he's never going to change. It's always going to be about him and he will never realize that's he's an asshole because in his mind he can do no wrong. I hope he and his cyber girlfriend* are happy. Although I feel sorry for her that he's going to do the same mind games he did to me and also other girls he's told me about in his past. I've erased every email, text etc. because they are all empty words and lies. I'm just embarrassed that I wasted so much time on someone that would never really appreciate how awesome I am. I promise to not talk about him anymore because he's just not worth it.

I don't want you to think I've been in a cave during this depression. I'm still taking my meds and going out. I just lost my appetite and dropped a couple of pants sizes.

In 2009 so far I:
-went to the New Kids on the Block concert. It was fantastic and I'm obsessed with the "Grown Man" song
-celebrated lots of my friend's birthdays in January and February with lots of dancing
-saw Cirque de Soleil Quidam...each one I see is more and more amazing although "O" still is number one
-went to Austin for a wedding and had a blast. All of my best friends (and their spouses, parents, etc.) were there and it was all very special. I saw how normal relationships work and do exist.
-celebrated Valentine's day with friends watching rugby in a pub then went to dinner (4 girls). There was a singer that was singing love songs walking around the restaurant and we were all singing along and she kept putting me on the mic. She got my details to maybe be a back up singer. I think I just launched a new career!

Coming up I have:
-spa weekend in Brighton
-Snow Patrol concert
-Friends birthdays and parties in between
-Wine club (monthly with girls from Junior League that are down to earth)
-Volunteering
-My mom coming to visit for Easter
-Hopefully get a beach holiday in this summer
-Counting Crows concert
-Bruce Springstein and Dave Matthews concert in Hyde Park
-Madonna
-Coldplay
-2 of my closest friends getting married this year...one in Houston and the other in Mexico in November

So I'm a busy bee. And I've missed you but I'm back and hopefully we'll return to our regularly scheduled programming of Texas Cinderella dating in London sans emotional drama. But in the meantime I'm going to concentrate on me and my own happiness for a while.

*I have nothing against internet dating, I just don't participate. I do, however, find it to be a problem if you're dating someone and they continue to interact on there profile and date other people and not inform you about it. Hence sarcasm.

Coasting

2009-01-11T10:22:00.003-06:00

I'm alive. This has to be the longest I'm gone between posts and I miss you guys. 2009 is off to a good start. Work has been crazy and I've been catching up with friends about their holidays but finally settling into my normal routine (before I go back to Texas in 2 1/2 weeks for my childhood friend's wedding).

I hope everyone is having a good year so far!

Broken

2008-12-08T13:52:00.004-06:00

Sorry it's been a while. I've been feeling under the weather for a while now...well literally I have the flu but emotionally I'm depressed. I don't know if it was my 30th birthday (last week) that brought this on or the whole break up thing but it's here.

While I was home I saw my family doctor and she gave me meds to help. I vowed never to get back on them (I had a bought with anxiety and depression in college after my childhood friend died suddenly in a car accident and I didn't know how to deal with it). But in this case, it's just needed. I'm not myself. I'm not eating (on the bright side I've lost 10 pounds and I'm wearing pants loosely that used to only give me a camel toe). I'm not sleeping. I'm distracted. My friends and family notice and I'm not being the person that I want to be. It's getting better now that I've been on the pills but I still need to work on letting go of trying to control every aspect of my life.

Horoscope

2008-11-18T06:58:00.003-06:00

You're getting sick of the scenery around you -- it's time to make travel plans.

Nailed it. Luckily, I am going to be able to change the scenery and be distracted for a while. I leave tomorrow for Houston to be a bridesmaid in my good friend's wedding on Saturday. I'm only there for the weekend so I will be thrown into running around like a chicken with it's head cut off trying to get everything done - bridal luncheons, rehearsal dinners, manicures/pedicures, shopping! I'm in a funk and I think being around family and friends (that actually think I'm great) will help.

It's like a dark cloud is following me around and I need to remove myself from the situation(s) and recharge my batteries. I hope to come back and start acting like myself again because even I'm getting sick of me.

A league of their own

2008-11-12T04:32:00.005-06:00

Last night, while volunteering at our annual Junior League charity fundraiser, I found myself surrounded by women (my age) living the life I've always wanted. They sported they're ginormous Tiffany's rocks and talked about the men behind the diamonds that adore them. Living their perfect lives, with their perfect husbands, in their perfect flats, with their gorgeous, perfect 2.5 children, going on their perfect holidays, in their perfect clothes, with their perfect hair.

I just want an ounce of that (the love part) but instead I sabotage anything good that comes my way.

I hope one day to be a part of that "league" but right now it all seems very doubtful.

Daggers and Tears

2008-11-04T11:10:00.004-06:00

I'm going through a roller coaster of emotions. One minute I'm fine and have the everything happens for a reason attitude. The next I'm teary and don't understand the universe and the hurt that I'm going through. It didn't help that today, Graham's old cube mate asked how he was doing and I said that I wasn't sure. The guy literally acted like someone DIED. He was so sorry and didn't understand since we were getting on so well. Me either, I wanted to say but didn't.

What I don't understand is how someone could tell me that they were willing to give it a second try then disappear (aside from an email from his new work) then respond back to my email a week later and accept plans to meet up only to send another (harsh) email saying: I don't see this going anywhere. I don't feel the chemistry that I look for in a long term thing. I don't know what else to say. Don't you know if there is chemistry or not in the first month not THREE months? And wouldn't you think he could have spoken up to tell me this when he had plenty of opportunities to do so? It's my very own version of Carrie Bradshaw's post it note break up. What goes through a guy's head to be so impersonal after 3 months of dating that he can just toss me aside like that and just disappear into the sunset without ever looking back? I can understand an email after a month of casual dating but that...it baffles me. Of course I wrote back: You could start by not breaking up with someone over the phone or again over email at flipping work. I'm sorry you couldn't be a 34 year old man and do it the proper way. Maybe in your next endeavor you won't lead people on either. I'm also sorry that you feel this way and couldn't give it the second chance it deserved. No wonder you're still not married. Add all of the confusing things about marriage and kids (we walked by a daycare his last week and he said "our kids can go there" wtf?) Screw with my head much?

I just want to fast forward and get over it already but it's only been a week and I'm just sad at what could have been but pissed at the person he turned out to be. And equally furious that it was all over an email.

Another one bites the dust

2008-10-30T04:39:00.004-05:00

I'm not going to lie, these past 2 weeks have been hard. Filled with anxiety and panic attacks and control issues. But it's done. And Graham and I are no longer. I'm not sure when or where it all went wrong but it just was not to be. And I think I held onto it longer than I should because of the lines he fed me on the future and being on the same page, etc. I wasn't in love with him but in love with the idea of being in love with him. Something just wasn't clicking and I thought it was because we were spending too much time together and if he was at his new job it would be different but now I see that wasn't the case. He ticked all of my boxes:
cute
smart
funny
good dresser
good family values
older
educated
cultured
tall
successful
etc.

Except one. It felt forced and not effortless. And in the end I saw his true character and selfishness.

And I know I'll find this again with someone else but it just stings a little and I'm trying to work through it. I'm also slightly freaking out because I turn 30 in 30 days and I have nothing to show for it. (I thought I'd be married with 3 kids by the time I was 30). Plus I'm in a wedding with all of my close friends in a couple of weeks and I'm still the single girl in the room waiting to catch the bouquet -with the failed relationships under her belt.

I'm already picking up the pieces (deleted him from my phone, erased emails, his songs on my ipod) and I'm trying to sort through everything so that I don't dwell too long. It will take time and I will survive...I just wish it didn't hurt so much.

Starting over...

2008-10-18T12:25:00.009-05:00

with Graham.

The past few weeks have been bumpy. The first weekend Graham got back from his trip, he was really sick and therefore we couldn't go out. This was frustrating but he was sick and there wasn't anything we could do about it. Then last weekend our schedules didn't match as I had plans with friends on Friday night and he had plans with friends on Saturday. Again frustrating but we compromised and promised to meet up after our friends on Friday. That's never a good combination with drinking, RAGING PMS, and frustration of not really connecting. Sure we see each other every single day but even that is hard because we have to be professional and reading the other person becomes tricky. So there was a fight at 2am and then we were supposed to see each other on Sunday but because of the fight, it didn't happen. He was mad at me for Friday and I was feeling blah because I felt he wasn't making an effort. So we talked about it on Monday and things seemed to be okay but I couldn't sleep all week because it just felt off. Which brings me to tonight. We were supposed to be on a date but we decided not to see each other until later on next week.

I think seeing each other Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday for 9 hours a day, sitting on the same floor 30 feet apart and then on Saturday and Sunday has taken its toll. It wasn't a normal relationship and it was oversaturation. I tried to overcompensate to make things right and find a connection by riding home with him after work about 3 times a week, so tack on an additional in your face 40 minutes. Our time together was being taken for granted.

The silver lining is that he starts a new job on Monday. We've decided to give it a fresh start. I wish he would have left 1 month into our dating when things were light and fun and exciting but right now it just needs time to heal. I really want it to work but I need to be met halfway and not feel like I'm forcing it. So I'm letting him take the lead and see where this goes...again.

Introducing Grexas

2008-10-02T08:19:00.003-05:00

Conversation during tea(him)/hot chocolate(me) after dinner last night:

Graham: ...so you and Trey (childhood friend) are close. Does his wife mind?

Texas: His wife, Pam, is really cool and it's not like I talk to him all the time. Just random emails here and there. I, of course, see them when I'm home and it always feels like I never left. They're really cute together and all of our friends refer to them as "Tram" like Bennifer or Brangelina.

Silence...

Graham: So our name would be Grexas.

My heart seriously leapt out of my chest and onto the table!

Ayo Technology

2008-09-29T14:44:00.004-05:00

Last week I had the flu and am finally getting better. Now Graham has the flu and I hope he gets better soon because there is a lot of catching up to do!

I don't know if it was a combination of feeling lousy and that time of month but my mind kept bringing situations from the past into my relationship with Graham and drove me nuts with worry. Mandy was there to talk me off that ledge and if she were here she would have shook me. It's true, she told me this. Anyway, I was worried for no reason. Sure I wish that we would have talked instead of texting every other day but I respect that he was with his friend and didn't want to be that guy that can't put his phone down nor did I want to be that girl. But we all know how much I love texting. Therefore the connection level wasn't there and it gave me a bit of a complex. Okay, a huge complex (which of course I did not tell him about).

Things are fine now (on my end anyway as they were never not fine to him). We were soooo lovey dovey on the train today and have plans to go to dinner tomorrow night to catch up. I think working together makes it a bit tricky as well. He got in really late last night and so the first time I saw him after a week was at work where there could be no hugging and of course no kissing. Very frustrating. Luckily he has an interview on Thursday and while I know I'll miss seeing him everyday, I think it will be really good for us. OMG...I said "us"!

J'Adore

2008-09-17T06:11:00.003-05:00

Things with Graham are going swimmingly. We hung out last weekend and will again this Saturday before he leaves for his surfing trip to Portugal on Sunday. He's staying over since my flatmate will be out of town. (Sidenote: Holla! I can finally watch TV for a solid week since couch potato will not be there to hog it). He's already told me that he's going to call me everyday which will be needed because I'm going to miss him a lot! It's going to be weird not seeing him everyday for a week. :(

We are just soooo sweet to each other. Not in a PDA gross kind of way but in an affectionate and gentle kind of way. He says I make his head go fuzzy and the same couldn't be more true on my end by him. I'm liking where this is heading and the pace that it's going.

I'm a very smitten kitten.

Sleepover

2008-09-08T13:55:00.004-05:00

Graham and I finally made it to the jazz bar where we proceeded to say lovely things to one another and kiss all night long. He couldn't keep his hands off me and I couldn't keep my hands off him. He is so funny and did a Scooby Doo impression but told me that his friend does it better and he will have to get him to show it to me. Brownie points for meeting the friends in the future!
He came over to my house and we grabbed late night kebabs and watched tv then went to sleep -among other things. I think the romantic weekend away together is fast approaching. We're going to the coast somewhere at an unspecified time. He leaves for Portugal in 2 weeks and we will have to see how that goes. A whole week without seeing him will be sadness but I'm sure we'll more than make up for it when he gets back!

I'm falling in the best way!

Let's go to the Maul

2008-09-05T11:48:00.003-05:00

How do I control myself tomorrow night when all I want to do is throw the kid on the grown and make out? We're taking things slow but seriously....my hormones are RAGING! And the way we looked at each other all week has something to do with it as well. We're going to watch the jazz band play again...or attempt to anyway. I might drag him into a dark alley and have my wicked way with him!

*I'm not talking about doing the deed. Just making out.

Back on Track

2008-08-31T15:19:00.003-05:00

Things with Graham are back to normal. We had a lot of fun last night and he was very affectionate again. I just followed his lead. We didn't end up going to the jazz bar because it was packed but he said we will have to go back another time. I like future plans! We had our own little pub crawl and grabbed some dim sum in between. He brought up last weekend "when we were inappropriate together"...hilarious! I'm looking forward to being inappropriate with him in the future! But we're taking things slow again which I like.

At the last bar he asked if he challenged me and I asked him what he meant and he was like, did all of your past boyfriends fall at your feet and I was like um no. Then I told him that he challenged me this week and that he was a bit cold...I wasn't going to bring it up but it was the perfect non threatening forum. He said he didn't mean to. Not sure what he meant by all of that. So we'll see how this week goes. I'm going to continue to follow his lead and just see where it takes us.

Square One

2008-08-29T08:42:00.003-05:00

So we ARE going out tomorrow night. I think most of my thinking is my own insecurities about myself and me trying to figure out why he pulled back so much after being so full on the last two weeks.

I'm going to be funny, charming, sweet and nice and not bring up any of the bad feelings that I had this week. You guys are right, if he is pulling away because of my flaws then I don't want to be with him anyway.

Time will tell and I will be mirroring his actions, etc. If he holds my hand, I'll hold his. If he kisses me, I'll kiss him back. He will be making all of the moves. It's like we're back to square one.

How not to lose a guy in 13 days

2008-08-28T15:41:00.003-05:00

-don't suggest you he go back to your house but can't spend the night...this will only make him offer for you to go back to his out of pity.

-don't make out and let him see you naked. He obviously didn't like the flaws that he saw. Especially your much needed wax on your bikini line.

-don't have nasal surgery and snore loudly in his ear because you're allergic to his goose duvet.

-don't have genetically hairy legs that once you step out of the shower from shaving you have 5 o'clock shadow...imagine what they are like wrapped around him 24 hours later...porcupinish and not pretty.

-don't walk around in just your thong as he will see what little cellulite you do have and be repulsed.

-don't wake up with day old makeup and beard burn. You are not cute.

-don't tell him that the dynamic is off and make him tell you that he wants to see you again....he doesn't which is loud and clear from his cold emails and even colder encounters during the week.

-don't try to charm him on the train ride home...this only makes it worse and emphasizes why he doesn't want to be with you.

-don't put in an email plans for Saturday that you discussed on Tuesday about where to go for dinner before seeing the jazz band. He won't return the email with whether or not you're still on or not and leave you in the grey zone.

-don't talk to someone that sits 20 feet away from you at work so that when you go to the toilet you can see he's surfing the Internet and not answering your email.

-don't talk to someone that this time last week made you feel like you were "beautiful and funny and smart and fantastic" and now this week you feel about thissmall.

It was going so well and now...just speechless.

Cruise Control

2008-08-26T14:27:00.006-05:00

Things are fine with Graham. He (finally) emailed me this afternoon to see how the rest of my weekend was and told me he was having a bad day. That makes two of us because I was silently torturing myself with ludicrous thoughts of how it was over.

We took the train into town together before parting ways and I asked if everything was okay to which he said it was. I told him I was just making sure since we work so close together and didn't want anything to be awkward. I asked if we were still on for Saturday - he was supposed to come over and watch a movie since my flatmate is going to the REM concert and I'd have the place to myself. I told him we should take two steps back and go to watch some live music (since he plays the guitar) instead and that he could come over at a later date. No need to rush anything. And I promise to not have that sort of conversation with him again. I'm going to be charming and funny and going with the flow on Saturday. No need to get so heavy. And if he wants to see me again then fine...but I'm not forcing or controling anything.

Confusion Fusion

2008-08-24T11:43:00.006-05:00

Graham and I went out yesterday and had a great time. We went to the Ripley's exhibit which was a waste but fun and then hung out in a pub for a couple of hours. We decided to change the scenery and go to a new pub but we couldn't find one and when we did it was last call. He was his nice, sweet self and complimentary as usual and when we were trying to decide what to do or just go home, I mentioned that he could come over to my house but not spend the night because I hadn't had to talk with my flatmate about bringing boys home. He said that he didn't want to rush anything and had no expectations and that if the time did come then he would want us to go away for the weekend. So, so romantic. So he said I could go back to his (which is an hour away)and that again no expectations were there.

So we got back to his and things were just off. He was quiet. I was quiet. He gave me a t-shirt and boxers to sleep in and I changed in the bathroom. So far, so good on not jumping each other. Then we got into his bed and started kissing and his hand gravitated to my boobage. Since I was confused about if the whole going away together included everything or just the big bang theory he clarified and said it was for the grand finale. So we continued to make out and I discovered that he is rather large and in charge. Nothing major happened (thanks to my my Aunt Flow coming early yesterday) but we were naked in his bed and I kind of feel like it was too much too soon even though we see each other everyday and have been on 3 incredible dates previously. It's just the normal course of nature of things but I felt like he was in another world and he hadn't asked to make plans with me. I told him that I thought the dynamic was off...Blame if on PMS or me crashing from my Chai Latte caffeine fix...but we now have plans for Saturday. Which is fine that I brought it up because he has asked all the other times. I'm just confused and am I going to not hear from him until I see him at work on Tuesday (we have Monday off)? Argh. And did my snoring but him off too?

On top of all of this, I saw in his living room that he is scheduled to take a Mensa test. WTF? Am I too dumb for him, too?

I'm just going to see what happens but I was just telling someone yesterday that I liked how I didn't have to question things. Guess I spoke too soon.

Keeper

2008-08-22T09:22:00.005-05:00

This is what I was greeted with when I met Graham in Trafalgar Square before the play last night!

He hid the bouquet behind his back, gave me a kiss and presented me with them. Super cute! We had a great time and he is such a gentleman. I wore a skirt and during the play he placed his hand my thigh and stroked my skin affectionately (not sexually). He asked if I minded that he "was perving on" my legs. Too cute. We had our hands all over each other but not disgustingly so...more caressing. Very sweet. There was more kissing and it was goooooood! He told me he should have sent the email weeks ago asking me out on a date!

We have plans to meet in Piccadilly Circus tomorrow afternoon to see Ripley's Believe It or Not but he said if the weather is nice he wouldn't mind sitting in the park with a bottle of champagne. Seriously too good to be true!

I'm so dizzy

2008-08-18T15:19:00.005-05:00

My head is spinning!

Graham and I had a great time on our date and he was soooo cute fretting at the comedy club because the first act was terrible and he said he would take me somewhere cooler if I promised to give him another chance. Luckily the last two acts were hilarious!

We stayed out until 3am just talking and kissing. We had our first kiss in a bar...I was trying to hold out (for the story or at least under a streetlamp or something equally cheesy) but our lips had other plans!

I found out he doesn't have kids and has never been married so he's traveling light on the baggage. He asked me why I wasn't taken because "your beautiful, and smart and funny and just fantastic". Swoonage. Turns out he was supposed to meet his family last Monday when we had our first date and he told his mum he had to do something life changing. (!!!) There were talks about the future and where both of us are in our lives which seems to be the same page. So we will just have to take it slow and figure out if we're as compatible as we think we are.

And honestly, I'm a little freaked out but in a good way. I haven't felt this way before. It is a bit tricky because he sits 30 feet away from me and I see him everyday and I told him I didn't want us to do anything during the day together because if we didn't work at the same company we wouldn't be able to have lunch, get coffee etc....so we don't go to each other's desks to chat but if we're in the hall at the same time we'll stop and talk.

We have plans to see a play (he likes theater, yay!) on Thursday and he's just soooo sweet! And if everything goes well (which it will) we'll hang out this weekend, too!

Dare I say that I might have a date to the wedding I'm a bridesmaid in in November...I probably just jinxed it for sure!

Seriously Excited

2008-08-15T17:00:00.003-05:00

Like seriously, about my date with Graham Cracker Crunch tomorrow night! He wanted to grab coffee with me before I left for the day today but we couldn't because the shop was closed so he left work early to ride the tube into town together. And seriously his compliments to me couldn't be any cuter! Example: "I was playing on my new guitar last night. It's the third best thing to come out of the States" Me, "What are the top 2?" Him, "There's Jimi Hendrix at number 2 and of course you at number 1.". Yes he can have some wine with that cheese...but he says it in a genuinely joking way that is HILARIOUS!

So we're going to dinner and then a comedy club in Covent Garden. Deets to follow!

The upDATE

2008-08-12T12:38:00.004-05:00

I don't want to jinx it but I have a good feeling about this one.

We had a great time at the Porterhouse and time flew by. This is what I learned:

He's 34
Very funny
Owns his flat and renovated it
Is half Swiss, half Brit (he wears cuff links - lover it!)
Lived in Australia for a year and a half
Extremely complimentary and flattering
Boxes, surfs and plays guitar in a band
Likes my laugh and legs - looked like a school boy when he told me this!
Extremely witty
Smart
Creative
Super cute (and good dresser) but has a dorky side, which I love since I am a dork as well!

The list goes on...We have a 2nd date on Saturday night! I'm playing it cool but I can't stop talking about him or thinking about him (might have something to do with him sitting 20 feet away)! Things could get tricky but I'm not jumping into anything and we ended the date with a kiss on the cheek. Slow and steady. Sllllloooooooooowwwwwww and steady!

Fast Forward

2008-08-07T13:13:00.005-05:00

There I was, debating the great will Mr. Bean email me nonsense, when life got in the way and I'm glad it did. I did receive an email from a crush today but not Mr. Bean...

At lunch today, I told my friends about Crush Lite on my floor and how our eye contact and flirty sporadic chats were very intense, if only I knew his name.

Not even an hour after I got back, Graham stopped and introduced himself while I loaded paper awkwardly into the printer. He was about to walk through the door (near the printer) when he said it would be redundant for him to open it (our little joke because we always pass each other and he always holds the door open for me saying he should get a job holding doors open to which I have told him he's really good at it - hey, it's something). In my retardedness, I told him that there would be more doors for him to open. Then I thought did I just say that and before I could recover, he was gone.

Then ping! an hour later in my inbox:

Hi Texas, good to meet you this afternoon albeit without a door being opened. I was wandering if you’re free one lunchtime or evening if you would like lunch or a drink sometime? I realize it’s a bit forward and via e-mail but I’m probably out of here fairly soon as work has dried up a bit.

Graham

What?!?!?!?! I'm guessing he works contract and he's potentially leaving the company to go to another one and he wants to get to know me before he leaves. Swoon! I've never had someone pursue me like this. He obviously got my last name from somewhere, especially since I wasn't wearing a badge when we made our introductions...and he knew what department I was in, too. I like his forwardness and that he made the first move! Finally, no force needed!

So we have a date for drinks in Covent Garden (his idea and one of my favorite places) on Monday. I'm seriously booked for a week solid starting tomorrow with only Monday free so we'll see...!!! :)

Wanna be a balla...

2008-08-06T16:14:00.005-05:00

I can't begin to tell you how exhausted I am from a great time in Juan Les Pins, France last weekend. Could have something to do with going to bed at 4am both nights then having my flight delayed 3 hours and getting in at 2am on Monday morning...more on that soon. Remember the great "we should grab a drink cause we're neighbors" doh moment to Mr. Bean when he called to apologize last week that he couldn't go to my party. I hadn't seen him since then until I bumped into him on the stairs yesterday. Luckily I was looking t-a-n and told him I had just gotten back from France and he told me of his Norway travels. He then asked where I lived exactly and I asked him and while we aren't exactly neighbors we are close enough and share the same tube stop. He queried about my local pubs and said we should grab that drink. Since it has been mainly me...okay ALL me making the moves (to no avail I might add) I told him to email me to sort something out. And okay I might have said "you have my email" and made the typing action with my hands (dork, yes I know this). Woulda, coulda, shoulda said, "cool, shoot me an email and we'll sort something out". Same thing, right? Or no?

So we'll see. I ran into him again today but didn't really get a chance to talk to him since I was with other peeps.

Also on a side note: Crush #2 may have called me a "Naughty Girl" when he asked about my weekend in France and I told him it was fun with lots of antics...drunken antics. Yeah, I didn't know what to do with that comment...

The Spaz who kept learning something (everyday)

2008-07-31T15:11:00.007-05:00

I'm such a bad blogger friend. Golightly tagged me a while back and I have slight ADD and totally forgot about it....anywho better late than never.

So....Make up your own 6 word memoir title.
1. Write the title to your own memoir using 6 words. (Totally cheated with the parenthesis)
2. Post it on your blog.
3. Link to the person who tagged you. (I'm being lazy but she's under "Good Stuff" on the right - check her out!)
4. Tag 5 more blogs - you're all it! :)

I just finished The Alchemist via audio books on my ipod last night. I had read the book several years ago but I downloaded it and over the last week I've been listening to it before I go to bed as an adult bedtime story. It has so many life lessons and the main one is to just go with the journey. Something I always need reminding of everyday.

So I'm going with life and it happens to be taking me to the beaches of the south of France tomorrow with my buddies Blake, Harris and Prissy in what is guaranteed to be a work-on-my-tan-work-then-my-alcohol-tolerance-and-repeat sort of weekend!

Redemption Song

2008-07-28T07:39:00.002-05:00

Mr. Bean called this morning to apologize for not making my party. It seems he had to go to Norway for work last week and got in really really late on Friday. Granted, he could have TOTALLY just sent me an email to apologize but the fact that he called is good, right?

I was slightly caught off guard and was like no worries you were missed but it was a lot of fun with lots of peeps there which is always fun blah blah and he was like that's a shame I missed it and I was like well we should grab a drink since we're neighbors (no clue what came over me!) and he was like yeah definitely and a hole bunch of awkward yeahs and then I was like well I'll see you soon. Ahhhhhhhh. So we'll see... but ball is definitely in his court because hello I've thrown it out several several times so he will HAVE to make the next move.

Did I happen to mention that I moved floors and there is a cutie? No clue what his name is but I intend to find out!

Wanted: Equalization Factor

2008-07-26T04:02:00.006-05:00

Last night's party was a blast. We had about 40 peeps in our flat and the alcohol was flowing. We now also have left overs so I see another party in our future as well!

I've found that I like having crushes...it's when the reality of the crush comes to fruition that is a bit of a let down.

So Crush #2 came to my party like he said he would...we chatted. We flirted. But the equalization factor just wasn't there. Like I know all about his recent holiday but he knows nothing about mine type of thing. And we are both invited to a party in a couple of weeks and he wasn't sure if he was going because he has to wake up and bike 80 miles with a friend but I was like you should come for just a drink or two and then get a good night's sleep. He said he would think about it. I might have mentioned this more than once. Oops...booze babble! Also, my "wing woman" might have been a little to obvious in trying to get dirt from him. I now know that he's lived with a girl before and the breakup "was very painful" and that he's 28. But regardless of being slightly obvious that I was interested, it shouldn't be that hard, you know? And I baited him with "I never see you except every so often in the lobby" No dice. No we should meet up for tea or lunch. Nada. "When he was leaving he was like "I'll make sure to stop and chat with you in the lobby" and I was like "If you're lucky". Snark! So he's out I would say. Plus my friends said Crush #2 was a little boring and that I need someone fun like me. I also had a dream last night that he wouldn't date me because I'm American and our childrens wouldn't be "purebreeds." I'm still feeling blah and eh about it. But you know what, if someone can't see what a flipping catch I am, then they just aren't worth it.

And can I just tell you that Mr. Bean, who emailed me right when I sent out the email invitation that he was marking his calendar, didn't show. At. All. WTF? He might have been embarrassed because last week when I saw him he was like Friday right? And I was like oh no it's next Friday...maybe he didn't want to seem too eager beaver. Or maybe he's just not that interested. I think/know it's the latter. And again, that's fine because it really shouldn't be that hard.

I'm looking for effortless, easy flowing, no drama or games. Someone equally intersted in me as I am of them. Balance.

Unfortunately, a guy that I was actually meshing with and on the same wavelength has a girlfriend, that I work with. He also works at our company too. Tricky. Obviously, I'm not doing anything about that. But if things are meant to be, they will be. Right?

All and all, I had sooooo much fun with my friends and I think everyone had a good time!

*PS. The Shadow was of course the first person to arrive at 7.10pm and I was able to chat with him before hand so as to not have him follow me around which he gladly didn't! And Harris, who I'm going to France with next weekend to meet up with Blake, was like we should get on The Shadow's boat next week, who's going to be in the South of France at the same time. I shot him a not on your flipping life look. Harris later said he was strange! Phew! The Shadow did, however, email me through facebook to say what a great party it was and to thank me for his invite...wtf?
Update: After rehashing last night with friends, they told me that the Shadow kept talking about going to our town to meet up so I decided to stop it once and for all. I don't need to be stressed that he's going to impose on my vacation that I plan on enjoying with my close friends.

Shadow,
Glad you had fun at the party and could make it.
About France...I heard you were planning on coming to our town next weekend on your boat? Honestly, Prissy, Harris and I will be using next weekend to catch up with Blake since we haven't seen him in ages and will NOT be able to meet up with you. Not sure when you are leaving for France but have a good trip.
Texas

Harsh? Maybe. Needed? Absolutely!

From the Shadow:
Just to clear it up I didn't say i would be heading up to your town, I only said to Harris that it was a shame you chaps were not there a little longer so we could sort out meeting up for a drink or a boat trip. Apologies for any confusion, any how hope you have an excellent trip.
Best wishes,
The Shadow
Finally signed without the xXx. Yes!

Time...it flys

2008-07-21T15:49:00.003-05:00

Wow...I didn't realize how long it was since I last posted. I guess I've been busy but not sure what I've been doing.

Anyway, the big flat warming party is on Friday and I can't wait to get my flirt on! Crush #2 has now moved to the Crush #1 spot and hopefully by the end of the night he will have his much deserved nickname and stick around in this little story! Mr. Bean is still in the running but I'm digging #2 more these days... (my friend saw his friend give Crush #2 a chin/head nod when I entered the diner last week - it's the little things people)!

I think I have the Shadow thing under control and one of my friend's has offered to do damage control when he tries to get up in my Kool Aid.

Hope all is well in your worlds and I know I'll have plenty to report after the party and pics of the new place - promise!

Giddy in my Girliness

2008-07-10T15:05:00.006-05:00

I finally saw Crush #2 today as I was walking out to lunch (I haven't seen him in almost a month). He was standing with a group of people and I felt him see me while I waited my turn to swipe out of the turnstile. I passed by him and said hi with a wave then left with my friends. I was hoping he would go to the same restaurant with his friends but he didn't. I was kicking myself for not making more conversation but there really were a lot of people standing around so it would have been a little much.

Anyway, 3pm rolled around and I got an email from him in response to my flat warming party that my flatmate and I are having in 2 weeks. I sent the mass email on the 23rd of June before I went on holiday and so that people (read: my crushes) could put it on there calendar. He said he "plans to be there!" and "thanks for the kind invitation" - would sound gay coming from any other guy but so decidedly English I flipping love it! I wrote back "cool...glad you can make it!".

I already knew he was coming because one of my friend's brought up my party yesterday to him in conversation and he said "oh I'm definitely going to that" which said friend immediately reported back to me! But it feels good to get confirmation from the actual source today!

Mr. Bean will also be in attendance which I'm excited about as well. And also the Shadow which, you know, I'm not. But it should be interesting how I juggle the two (three) that evening.

Don't worry I'm going to play it very cool in this next dating/whatever-this-is endeavour. I feel like I've learned lessons in sharing too much and doing "things" too early that I'm ready for a clean slate...I don't know if Mr. Bean/Crush #2 and I will even click but they both make me nervous and that's always a good start!

Nosey

2008-07-09T07:09:00.003-05:00

I'm back and right in the thick of getting back in the groove of work (boo!) but I promise to write soon about my travels (complete with pics and antics).

Honestly, I'm still recovering from Sunday when I managed to open my bedroom door INTO my nose...you know the one I just got operated on...before heading to the Goo Goo Dolls, Ben Harper and Counting Crows concerts at the O2 Festival - which were all awesome by the way. I did, however, look like Marsha Brady for a second and thought that I had effed everything up but it's slowly getting back to normal (or as normal as it was before the clumsiness)!

Also, seems that the Shadow still has NOT gotten the hint that I'm not interested in him, no matter how many times I do not reply back to his gazillion emails. He messaged me through Facebook (I would normally just delete him but we work together and it would be AWKWARD)while I was gone to say he hoped I had a good holiday and a happy 4th. Just creepy to know he was thinking about me so early in the morning and remembering my American holiday. So I didn't respond and decided it was time to add "Nate" as a friend for the Shadow to see and hopefully back off - he still comes by my desk for awkward conversations. Monday I found out that Crush #2 is now on his project and sitting right by him. I just hope the Shadow doesn't tell him I have a boyfriend and ruin my chances (whatever they may or may not be)!

My fake boyfriend's hot, no? :)

*Thanks to Mandy for editing out the Polo Ralph Lauren logo in the background...yeah he's also a model.

Bella

2008-06-26T10:26:00.003-05:00

I'm off to Italia...super excited about sun, fun and loads of wine! I'll be back in a little over a week to tell you all about it.

Remind me to tell you of THE HOTTEST guy I've ever seen at Wimbledon last night. I wanted to jump on him right there and then. My friends and I were drooling. For serious.

Arrivederci!

This past week I...

2008-06-22T15:35:00.006-05:00

have moved into my new flat and love it! Pics soon. The roommate situation was touch and go at first mainly because I'm in the smaller room so that I can pay less money (hi I'm about to be poor and because I'm never home). We hadn't agreed on each of our amounts and my interpretation of paying 100 pounds more a month and her interpretation were different. My interpretation for a 1800/month flat: 800/1000 hers 850/950....We compromised in the middle but I'm still slightly annoyed. I've chosen to be the bigger person even though my flatmate is still on expenses and will basically pocket $1200 a month after paying rent from her living allowance. Whateves. Other than that things are good with us.
have been asked about by my crush to one of my friends. She's moving to Italy and had a leaving party on Thursday and my crush #2...will have to think of a new name...earlier in the week asked if I would be there. Unfortunately #2 had to work late on Thursday and doesn't live in town and therefore couldn't make it but HM and I are having a flat warming party in a month so there are other opportunities for me to get to know him!
have been counting down the days until I meet my parents in Rome before heading to the Amalfi Coast with my mom for a week. I can't wait for the beach and work on my tan or lack there of!
went to Amran's leaving party last night and thankfully no drama occurred with Skully and the girlfriend because they were out of town. I did meet some really cool people and had fun.
totally organzed my life and am settled in.
feel like I'm coming into my skin and that's a really really good feeling.

On the Move

2008-06-14T02:31:00.009-05:00

Tomorrow, I move out of my cute one bedroom flat into a two bedroom with a friend of mine, HM, one tube stop over. We are complete opposites but I think the arrangement will work out just fine.

I'm sad to leave this great place I've called home for the past year but excited to start fresh and decorate! Here are some pics of my place now (when I first moved in - pre-decorating) and I'll be sure to add pics later of the new place once it's all fixed up!

We've hired an "Aussie Man with a Van" to assist and I know the accent will be great motivation to get my ass in gear and carry boxes while watching the Aussie's biceps flex. It doesn't get any better than that! :)

Sightings of the Third Kind

2008-06-10T06:26:00.007-05:00

I've been back a week and hadn't had a Work Crush #2 sighting until yesterday. We were at the same restaurant for lunch with our own work colleagues. My friends and I were ordering ours to go so I chatted with him while we waited. The conversation was good and somewhat flirty. It just so happens that The Shadow was also dining there and got a table with his friends next to #2. My friends and I left and I said a platonic goodbye to The Shadow and then a flirtier goodbye to #2 before leaving. I can only imagine if #2 (on the off chance) said anything to his friends about me that The Shadow would pipe up and tell him I had a "boyfriend".

______________________________________________________

Last night, I met my friend Amran for drinks and dinner in Notting Hill. He's moving back to Australia soon and is having a leaving party in a couple of weeks but wanted to have some friend time with him before he leaves. He gave me a warning that Skully (they are now friends) and his girlfriend would probably be at his party and that he didn't want any drama. I told him there wouldn't be any drama from my side as I was totally over Skully. Just as long as the "psycho" (as described by Skully) girlfriend didn't do anything, the night would be cool. Not an hour after saying these words, who do we bump into on Portobello Road? The girlfriend. And I have a feeling she totally knew who I was when Amran introduced us: Texas. Blonde. American accent. Work mate of Amran's (and Skully's). It doesn't take a rocket scientist. After leaving her, Amran agreed that she seemed a bit flustered. She did seem very normal and actually nice and I don't think there will be any drama unless Skully stirs it up in which I will not be participating.

______________________________________________________

At lunch today, we went to grab a sandwich from the local bakery and I saw Mr. Bean out of the corner of my eye. I calmed my blood pressure down and as we were walking out I said hi to him and asked what project he was on since I hadn't seen him around. He told me and then what floor in my building. I'm so relieved because I thought he had moved to the other building where I would never see him but now I have greater chances of bumping into him. My friend thought he was hot and asked who I would choose between him and #2 (who is also hot).

I'm just lucky I have the option to potentially, maybe make that choice. :) Being single does have its advantages!!!

Embarrasing moment: While walking to the bakery, my friend was giving a detailed account, if not way too much information even for me, about her sex life. I proclaimed rather loudly that "I hadn't had sex in forever" thinking that no one was around. Just then a guy that sits on my floor passed us and I can now no longer look in his direction. Mortified!

Needed: Permanent Spare Tire

2008-06-08T13:29:00.011-05:00

This weekend was chill. I won 6 tickets to Redbull's Flugtag in Hyde Park and invited Harris, Morgan and her husband and Caroline and her boyfriend of 4 years. It was very entertaining and the weather was nice - always a bonus. And today I finally went to see Sex and the City with Caroline and her boyfriend (I asked Caroline earlier in the week and for some reason the BF wanted to tag along..wtf?). It was cute but not as good as I thought that it was going to be. Some parts were super cheese and me, ironically, being all about the cheese, just didn't like those parts.

Can I just say, that I never want to be that couple that fights in public. Caroline and her boyfriend bickered both afternoons and then they would go the other extreme when they "made up" and be all over each other. Either way, it was highly uncomfortable. It just seems sooo unhealthy. Yuck!

At least I'm seeing what I don't want in a relationship.

I also know I want a relationship. Especially after Harris (I invited him to balance out the guy/girl ratio and things are back to just friends) went home before the others, leaving me with the marrieds (which are cool and not all over each other) and the uncomfortable couple. I just felt like the 5th wheel...again.

When will I become part of an official pair with my very own built-in buddy system?

Case in point update: I just found out that Joshua Radin is playing in London on Tuesday night and I need someone last minute to go with me. Someone that isn't tied to boyfriends, husbands or even girlfriends but tied to me, because we're a "team". I really want to go and can't unless I feel like being that creepy girl ALL BY HERSELF!!!! I've asked everyone and no dice. Argh!

Can I just tell you...

2008-06-02T12:59:00.008-05:00

Wearing a thong for the first time in 3 weeks is brutal...especially when you're in "healing" mode. But panty lines are a no go when working with dirty old men.
Dodging the Shadow proved to be somewhat successful. I think I'm in Phase Out 2. While I did get the morning email today (which I did not respond to), he asked me later (when he stopped by my desk for the 10th time) what I was doing this weekend and I told him hanging out with Nate (I'm not). Hopefully he's starting to get it already.
I've had cramps all day and not those kind of cramps. More of the Mirolax kind. My doctor put me on a little regime to keep me regular but it seems I took too much today. Oops. Need to dial it down.
I got this little gem while I was home and my feet are uber soft, which is a huge fete (no pun intended, really!) especially in the summer months. Freaking genius!
My boss is hilarious. In his manager's meeting today he told everyone, "Texas had a successful surgery and would now like to be called George". This is all day people!
I'm feeling good about life in general.

Things are grand! :)

The Works

2008-06-01T07:46:00.008-05:00

I'm back in London after voluntarily torturing myself for the past 2 weeks. It went something like this (note: too much information definitley shared):

May 15th, Thursday - I had my deviated septum surgery and everything went fine until I woke up from the anesthesia and my world was spinning. Needless to say I threw up the blood that had pooled in my stomach during the operation and didn't think I could make it getting into a moving car to go home. I sat in the recovery room for an hour and the nurse then wheeled me to my mom's car. I had to get out of the chair and walk to keep from vomiting more. The nurse kept apologizing for the "movement". She said that word one too many times and I said "I'm sorry, but you're going to have to not say that word anymore" since I was definitely feeling the flipping movement.

I wasn't in any pain, only very uncomfortable and couldn't breathe since there were splints in my nose...this continued for a week before I got them out. I had some bleeding from my nose as well but just kept a tissue handy to wipe it up. I had to take antibiotics the size of horse pills and this then lead to a raging yeast infection. I didn't think things could get much worse down there until my monthly visitor decided to make an early appearance. Awesome!

I kept a low profile during the weekend except for a trip for Mexican food with my old roommate and her fiance with my blood catcher taped under my nose...so cute. Other than that, I felt extremely light headed and stayed indoors.

Tuesday, I had an appointment with the butt doctor. A little back story (no pun intended!), I'm a "strainer" so instead of having an internal roid, I instead had an external roid that was the vain of my existence. Very painful and so I got it removed. The doctor initially walked in with his hot doctor son but quickly exited and came back with a female nurse. Can you imagine spreading my cheeks in front of hot doctor son?!?

Holy mother effer! If that wasn't the worst pain I've ever experienced! I called my mom to tell her I was now bleeding from every orifice! Lovely.

This procedure caused me to walk extremely slowly and I was very cautious of how I sat. I won't even tell you that every time I had to drop the kids off at the pool, I had to brace myself for the pain. Oh the pain. It's now healing nicely, thankfully, and I don't feel like I'm shatting knives.

Wednesday, I shuffled into the dermatologist office to get a few moles removed. He decided to take off 2 extra ones that he was concerned about. This irked me more than it was painful. Just the thought of having 4 sliced off skin areas gave me chills.

I asked him if there was a cream for under eye circles, to which he examined my face with those magnifying glasses and proclaimed I had "lots of wrinkles". WTF? I get mistaken for a 23 year old all the time.

Earlier that day I got my splints removed from my nose which finally let me breathe through my nose instead of being the mouth breather I was for the week. Holy hell those splints were long and HUGE...no wonder I couldn't breathe!

Thursday, I had to sit in the car, with all of the above problems, for 5 hours to go to Louisiana to visit my grandparents. My parents dropped me off in Baton Rouge while they went to New Orleans for a couple of days for a wine festival. Bastards! :)

I was stuck with my 80 year-old grandfather (whom is one of the funniest people I know but was in a bad mood because he had surgery a week before on his heel and was hopping around the house on one foot) and my blunt grandmother. An example of her bluntness: We were shopping and ran into some of her friends. One of them was looking at a pair of pants and my grandmother asked if she was going to try them on and the lady said they didn't have her size. My grandmother picked up an XL and said it would fit her. The lady protested and my grandmother looked her up and down and said she thought they would fit...since they ran small -great save grandma. I was mortified. Luckily she thought I was "tiny" this trip and was force feeding me.

My parents and I came back after the long weekend and I was finally starting to feel much better.

I met up with my best friend for shopping and sushi on Tuesday and did way too much damage!

Wednesday, I went to the dentist (family friend - my mom's best friend's son-in-law) for a cleaning and a filling. I always get the nitrous oxide and for some reason with his stuff I get effed up. He had asked me about a project in Australia that I could some day get on at work before giving me the goods. Five minutes into the gas, I was in the flipping Outback. After a while on that stuff, I started to get nauseous and took the mask off my face. The rest of the day I was out of commission with dizziness. Next time, I'll tell him not to crank it up. Oops. My mouth was so numb 12 hours later. I hate that feeling!

Thursday, I went to my family doctor that I've been going to since I was 7. She hooked me up with my Xanax and called me a junkie.

That night I got my friends together for happy hour at a local bar in midtown since I hadn't seen them all 2 weeks. I loved hanging out and catching up my peeps but I'm super glad about my decision to stay in London. I'm not invisible here. I can't explain it but that's how I feel when I go out there.

Friday, I got a Brazilian wax and told her not to wax the back door like she normally does. Oh the pain that would have caused! Then, like a dumbass, I drove around Houston with the sunroof open to get some sun before I left -my flight wasn't until 10.30pm. (I could have had a killer tan but I felt like crap so I didn't lay out like I wanted over the 2 weeks home). I ended up with my right shoulder and arm burnt to a crisp. So sexy...a one-sided tan.

Then I hopped on the plane (read: passed the eff out and don't even remember take off -thanks Xanax!) and came back to Londontown. I'm looking forward to being back in the office...well sort of... and not working from home anymore...as much as I thought I would like that. I felt so unorganized and out of the loop with my colleagues being 6 hours ahead.

I'm excited about starting my "new and improved" life!

(I got all of my "treatments" done on US insurance before I'm officially on UK insurance July 1st).

Thou shall be named...Cock Blocker

2008-05-30T11:20:00.002-05:00

I haven't had a chance to tell you guys about the Happy Hour I organized for people I work with in order to get to know them better back in April. Mainly to get to officially meet Mr. Bean and another cute coworker, but I digress. The turn out was awesome and everyone keeps asking when I'm going to put together another one.

The only bad thing that came out of it is that I have a stalker. Not a bonafide look-over-your-shoulder-everywhere-you-go but a blow-up-your-email-and-stop-by-your-desk-fifty-million-times-a-day one. My boss has resorted to humming "Love is in the air" every time he comes around.

I initially (before I knew the crazy) had a goal to get to be friends with him on Facebook because I was pretty positive that there were incriminating drunken pics of me from the company Christmas party and I wanted to see them myself. We would say hi and talk in groups and then somehow one day we were friends. Which was fine. Nothing creepy at all.

One night out, my friends and I ran into him and we all hung out. No harm. That night we became friends on Facebook and thankfully the pics weren't too bad. I had planned a Oxford vs. Cambridge boat race party at a pub on the Thames and somehow he popped up. We weren't that good of friends for me to invite him and no one else invited him either. Hmmm...

Then I started getting emails from him. I chalked it up to friends so I would respond but not all interesting like just nice and friendly. Then they started coming before I would have a chance to reply back to the first one. Who does that? So I reined in my replies.

Then the Happy Hour happened and while I was the "host", I was mingling around the bar. I finally got to meet Mr. Bean, who is funny in person, and his friends. Then I would feel "the shadow" at my side, ANSWERING questions that Mr. Bean would ask me. For example: Mr. Bean and I live one tube stop away but don't see each other in the mornings/evenings.

Mr. Bean: How come I never see you on the tube?
Me: (about to speak)
Shadow: Texas isn't a morning person.

WTF? I don't wake up next to the flipping Shadow...but to Mr. Bean it appears that I do. If that isn't cock blocking, I don't know what is.

So CB's emails continued and mine stopped. He even asked what I was doing one weekend and I told him and he asked who with and I told him with Nate the guy I'm dating. Thinking he would get the hint that way. No dice.

Can I just tell you that in the time that I have been gone, all 15 days, I have received 12 emails him via Facebook and work email. I responded only once through work email to thank him for inquiring about my surgery and that I would see him when I got back in the office in a couple of weeks. I didn't want to seem like a jerk when he clearly was concerned but that is all that I responded. The emails did not stop. I got a "have a good flight home one" and then a "welcome back to London" one today. Who keeps emailing when clearly the person has not responded and appears likely to never respond.

I'm nervous about what tomorrow will bring. Everyone I work with knows about the stalker. He's even working on a project now with my boss since I've been gone. Oh joy to have him in our area more than necessary. I might have to have a talk with him.

You better believe that Nate is my "boyfriend" now.

But why is it the ones we don't want, can't get enough and the ones we do want, can't get away fast enough?

Gone

2008-05-13T16:10:00.005-05:00

Well, no update on the Nate situation. It seems he's done a runner and I won't be hearing from him again. Because who really doesn't wish you a safe trip and surgery, even as a friend? (Update: I got a text this morning while getting ready for the airport: Have a good trip. I think I'm just going to text back: Thanks. And leave it at that). Next. Oh but Nate, thanks for all of the 10th grade dry humping...I really enjoyed it. And no, that doesn't happen to everyone and it IS a problem.

I'm over it.

Anyway, I leave tomorrow morning for H-Town and after I arrive I'll have t-minus 12 hours before I go under the knife. Yikes! Super nervous about it but in the long run it will be okay. Plus I'll be able to breathe and (hopefully) not snore when I'm sleeping next to my Prince Charming someday. I know he's out there but the universe just wants me to busy myself with a bunch of frogs at the moment. At least it makes for some decent stories.

In the meantime, I'm looking forward to busying myself with family and friends for the next couple of weeks - I plan to milk being "the patient" for all it's worth!

Houston, we have lift off...

2008-05-11T05:09:00.006-05:00

It works but I don't think we're going to work. After 24 hours together with a basically one sided conversation, I've had enough.

I met his friends at the park and it just seemed that I was in the way of catching up. What should have been an afternoon of boozing in the park turned into a sober one with hours slowly ticking by. Nate decided to detox from alcohol for a week and not wanting to seem like an alcoholic, I refrained as well. It was just awkward. I'm a talker. I'm outgoing. I like finding out new and interesting things about people but not when the person I'm trying to find out about said things only gives me yes or no answers with NO elaboration, my stubbornness shines through and I'm just done trying. I'm especially done when there's no flirtation to help me to know things are okay.

Granted the whole day wasn't like that. Some good conversations happened. But it's as if Nate is like Fun Bobby from Friends. Take away the alcohol and I've got nothing. When we went back to my flat after the park he was all flirty. Cuddling and kissing me. Then I got ready for us to go and meet my work friends at a pub for the house warming party.

When we got there, this Polish girl was there who works at my company and I've met her NUMEROUS times. I have even eaten lunch with her before. She introduced herself as if she was seeing me for the first time. I, at that point, had had a glass of wine (while Nate drank his flipping water) and was in a confrontational mood. Not even a month ago, she met up with a group of people from work after the Oxford vs. Cambridge boat race and we all went out. I even said she knew our mutual friend and she had no clue who he was either. Nate was squirming the whole time while I "politely" told her we had met SEVERAL times. But come on just pretend that you've met me...BECAUSE YOU HAVE. Anyway, she then blatantly hit on Nate in front of my face. I later totally called him out on it and he played dumb. Crazy card comes out again. But the correct answer would have been "Whatever TC, she's a dumb ass and ugly". But again I got none of that.

We went and grabbed dinner at a restaurant by my house and then rented a movie off of itunes and tried to watch it. Since it's hot here and I have no A/C the windows were open and it made it very hard to hear anything. Then Nate wasn't feeling well so I said he could lay down in my bed since it was cooler in my room. So we lied down and then we started kissing. And that's when it FINALLY happened (and again in the morning - not sex). But instead of being his caressing, sweet cuddling self, he barely held me. Maybe it was because it was hot but still. I brought up the whole hard to read thing and how I couldn't understand his texts and how frustrating it was. And he said I could call him or email him, too. I then told him how I've put myself out there like that before and have been burned in the past so he would have to initiate. Especially since my UK cell phone will not be on or work to receive text messages while I'm in the States. I'm sorry but I'm a planner. But now I don't even think it's worth the one sided effort.

It's entirely whateves. I've deleted his number from my phone because a.) I don't need the temptation of making contact first after sharing how I felt - to which he squirmed and couldn't get out of my flat fast enough. b.) I'm the one leaving, he should be the one telling me to have a safe trip, good surgery and that he will be in touch via email, etc. while I'm gone. And maybe that he'll miss me a little. I NEED COMMUNICATION. It shouldn't be this hard.

Folks, I don't think we have a winner.

Meet the Friends

2008-05-10T05:55:00.003-05:00

So things with Nate are good and I didn't scare him away with the crazy. I heard from him this week and we have plans to meet up with several groups of his friends in Hyde Park today to enjoy the 80 degree temperatures and hopefully work on our tans! I'm feeling the pressure to be ON but I think it will be lots of fun so I'll let you know the outcome. We might go to one of my friend's house warming party so the shoe will be on the other foot...I'm excited to see him which is always a good sign!

In other news, I won't be homeless! Since I'm moving here permanently, I'm essentially being cut off from expenses and my $3,200 (everything is made out of gold here) a month flat. I'm moving in with HM (aka Lamey Lamerson) but I think it will work out fine. After searching for several weeks and seeing nothing but shit holes, we found a perfect flat one tube stop away from where I currently live (choice location) and I'm super excited about it! We don't move in until June 15th but we're both going out of the country next week and wanted this sorted before we left.

So now all I have to stress about is work, my 10 hour flight home (of course cured by Xanax) and my deviated septum surgery on Thursday. Since I can't fly for 2 weeks after due to pressure, my company is letting me work from home which is awesome. I'm secretly glad I don't have to trek to the Houston office looking like I just got a nose job!

Anything goes

2008-05-05T06:18:00.007-05:00

I met up with Harris on Saturday for some aquarium adventures and we had a good time looking at fish. We decided afterwards to grab a drink at a boat pub on the Thames since it was so nice out.

Mistake #1: Drinking on only a 6-inch Subway veggie pattie after going to the gym.

The conversation flowed like I knew it would and after my pint of Bulmers (delicious, highly potent cider), we headed to Chinatown for some much needed food.

Mistake #2: Trying to eat to soak up said alcohol while consuming half a bottle of wine does not help your situation and it makes the drunkenness much worse.

We chatted about who we are talking to/dating. I told him about Nate and his "problem" and he told me about how he's talking to his ex-girlfriend (she's back in Philly) but they are different religions so it's a problem for him. He said Nate's problem had nothing to do with me which was nice to hear.

Mistake #3: Deciding to go to yet another pub for more alcohol.

We talked about our hook up on my birthday. And the sexual tension continued. Innuendos flying left and right. Flirtiness. Highly inappropriate.

Mistake #4: Dancing.

We both love to dance and are actually move great together. This created a problem since the dancing was very suggestive. Hands were all over the place and we decided before things got more naughty to go back to my place. I should tell you that the tube stops running at 12.30 and since we had started drinking at 5pm, it was only 10.30pm when we went back to my place. Pathetic!

So clothes came off and things happened...not of the sexual nature (oral or otherwise) but you know...things. We both passed out and then like last time he was up at the butt crack of dawn putting his clothes on and getting the heck out of dodge. We had plans to go to the British Museum Sunday afternoon and decided we still should go.

So I took a nap and met him at 3pm at the Museum. Some slight awkwardness but we both knew that it wasn't going to work and that we should be friends. So we had a great day at the Museum and then shared a bottle of wine and sushi plus other drinks before parting ways. Things are fine and I might even see him this weekend for Karaoke but I'm past the random hook ups. I missed being held and having someone look into my eyes. I missed Nate.

*I should note that I hadn't spoken (read: texted) with Nate since Thursday so I sent him a friendly WTF? text from the last bar on Saturday night. Needless to say he was very confused and things went back and forth with him saying he was catching up with old friends and that it wouldn't be polite for him to be on the phone all the time and that he would talk to me the next day. I texted back Fine and then took Harris back to my place.

I feel bad about it but whatever we aren't exclusive so it's not like I cheated. Anyway, Nate texted me Sunday morning to see how my head was feeling after my day/night of drinking. I texted him back and told him I was sorry the alcohol got way ahead of me and that I totally understood about not texting while catching up with friends. I told him to enjoy the rest his trip and that I'd talk to him when he got back to London. We'll see if that happens. When I told Mandy the story, she said that I let the crazy out too soon but we both agreed I redeemed myself with the nonchalant text back.

Things are just messed up right now because I go home in a week for 2 1/2 weeks and I don't know how things are going to progress when he only likes texting and my UK cell phone will be out of commission.

I know I'm overanalyzing and freaking out but I can't help it, it's part of my nature!

I'm going to meet friends at the river again to enjoy Cinco de Mayo aka 1st Bank Holiday in May...because you know I need ANOTHER drink. Must start detox and diet tomorrow!

Things. Just. Got. Interesting.

2008-05-02T09:21:00.006-05:00

I have two "dates" with Harris this weekend. I thought we would just hang out on Saturday but it seems he can't get enough. I kid! We're going to the British Museum one day and then the Aquarium the next and I'm sure pub crawling in between. All at his suggestion.

Interesting...

Frustrated

2008-05-01T15:32:00.006-05:00

And now boys and girls we've reached the point in dating when frustration takes over.

Nate and I saw each other last night and watched the Liverpool vs. Chelsea match. Nate was hungry after and decided he wanted Subway which happened to be in my neighborhood. I suggested to Nate that he could eat it at my flat. Nate responded "Okay but I'm not going to be able to spend the night". This is the part where the record scratched and I stopped walking and said "I never said anything about that but we can go back to Subway and you can eat your sandwich if you want". Nate backpedaled and said he shouldn't have assumed that. Um yeah. Especially since there is still performance anxiety (yeah, I know but I'm giving it three strikes you're out). It's called...drumroll, please. Hanging. Out.

So Nate came over and ate his flipping sandwich and we chatted and then started kissing. And kissing. and kissing. Look Ma, no hands. Then Nate said he had to go otherwise he was never going to leave. So we hugged goodbye and he left. I watched him walk down the street from my window because it was slightly awkward when he left and I wanted to see if he was texting someone since he seemed slightly nervous and distracted. But nope. And I really don't think there is anyone else he's talking to...He did stop, turn and look up at my flat though...not sure if he saw my silhouette through the blinds or not.

Anyway, this weekend we have Monday off, so he's going to New Castle on Saturday morning until Monday afternoon. He knows that my weekend schedule has nothing planned for Friday (slightly done on purpose for hanging out with him but whateves) and neither does his. But did he ask me to do anything. No. I might have been a little passive aggressive on the effing text messaging tonight. "I guess have a good trip then..." to which he totally changed the subject. So I was sweet back and we ended it like we normally do with good nights and sleep wells.

I guess the weekend will tell how Nate feels about me and if he thinks about me on his trip.

In the meantime, I'm hanging out with Harris this weekend. Bonafide antics to follow. And trouble.

Isn't it Ironic

2008-04-27T09:55:00.010-05:00

Nate and I just had another marathon date and it was good if not ironic.

Earlier in the week, he suggested we go to a show on Saturday night and asked which one I was interested in seeing. I said Avenue Q...I was supposed to go with Kanger way back when and that of course feel through. So I figured, with the encouragement of Mandy, to make new memories with Nate.

The show was fantastic and when it let out at 11pm, we decided to hit up O'Neills in Leicester Square since it stays open late night. We were about to walk in the bar when we randomly decided we should go to the Walkabout instead. (Full of Nate's fellow Kiwi's and Australians).

Who do I run into right when we walk in? Kanger. Waiting by the women's restroom, obviously for someone. It was surreal. Like everything was in slow motion. The face you've been searching in crowds, bars, on the tube for the past nine months is standing right in front of you and it takes awhile to finally focus and realize it was indeed the face and not your imagination.

We said hi to each other and it's pretty fuzzy what else was said. How are you? Lots of awkwardness - we were both very aware that the door to the restroom could have opened at any minute to reveal Kanger's newest conquest and he, I'm sure was fearful of the drama that could potentially arise from me. A Kanger and Nate introduction (Nate looked hot with his 2 day five o'clock shadow and button down shirt...I think they had the same shirt on!) and then a "well it was good seeing you" pleasantry from me before I exited stage right with Nate in tow. I was a little too sober for that encounter (read: shaking like a leaf) and needed a stiff drink. I don't think the exchange was too obvious because Nate didn't even ask me how I knew Kanger.

I later located him and his friends while Nate and I were dancing and the mystery girl he was waiting for. So not cute. And I'm 100% sure, has NO clue about the daughter in Australia and the baby mama drama. Bless her heart. (I saw them leave together so I'm pretty sure it's not just his friend).

I don't know. I thought seeing him again was going to be different. (At least I was looking good in a low cut black top, grey mini and black high boots with pattern tights.) Like my heart would be all pinning. But no feelings. Just, huh. I think things would have been different if Nate wouldn't have been at my side. But the calls that happened 3 weeks ago couldn't be discussed and that hung in the air like a thick cloud. But I'm over it. And seeing him actually made me appreciate being with Nate more. Someone who actually wants to spend time with me and get to know me and wants to hold me and not just at arms length.

Isn't that....different?

2008-04-21T13:43:00.003-05:00

Nate and I met early for dinner (sushi) and drinks before seeing 21 on Friday. The conversation flowed more freely this time. I learned that his middle brother died 6 years ago from drowning and his dad died 13 years ago...not sure what from because I didn't want to pry. But it was all very endearing and I felt for him.

Since it was still early after the movie, we decided to grab drinks. We chatted for a very long time until the pub closed and we were kicked out. We got on the street and started kissing so I decided he should come over but no funny stuff.

So funny stuff did happen (no form of sex what so ever) but how do I put this...there was definite performance anxiety on his part. He seemed all into it and then when I would wonder down to the family jewels (with a turtleneck)...there was nothing. Like I could feel it but then once I started to do my magic...S.O.F.T. Um this has never happened to me before. He said he was nervous and that the drinks were contributing. Okay I've heard this about finishing but not even getting there. What? He also said I wasn't "familiar" to him yet. (?) I was cool about it and said it was no big deal and that time would help things...of course I tried to work the magic 2 more times and nothing.

Needless to say, we laid around in my bed (naked) until 3pm Saturday just kissing, caressing, talking and laying on each other. That part was really good and he made me feel really great. We texted yesterday (hate that!) but hopefully I'll see him this weekend.

But seriously, if anyone has been in this situation before please let me know tips, advice, etc.!!!!

Suggestion Box

2008-04-14T16:03:00.004-05:00

So Nate asked me out for this Friday and suggested dinner and a movie. I like that he's a planner! The thing is this...we need to do something away from alcohol (see last Friday's post) and I feel like sitting in a movie for a couple of hours will not help the getting to know you process...(plus he wanted to meet after work again which is 1pm our time and I want to have time to get ready for the date, etc. and he should too! I have a waxing (joy) in the afternoon so can't meet him until after 6 anyway so that solves that).

But I need your help!

Suggestions, peeps?

Point of no return

2008-04-13T14:20:00.003-05:00

So I've erased everything and anything having to do with Kanger. I've had the weekend to mull it over and my actions were pushing this finally to the end. There is no way I want to be treated like that and I'm pretty sure he wants nothing to do with this psycho. But I deserve better and someone who follows through on promises.

Enough about him. I've spent WAY too much time and effort that it is now not worth one more word.

So onto Nate:

The date went really well. The beginning was a little getting to know you and the normal awkward conversations and lulls. But of course the alcohol was flowing and we talked more freely with each other. He just got back from being on safari in Africa for 2 months. How amazing? And he's obviously traveled quite a lot which I like. We both had our separate plans this weekend after we left each other in the tube station early Friday night but have been texting and I even got a late night text last night while I slept. It's nice to be thought of and he seems like a thoughtful guy. I asked if he had childrens (my new pre-req question :)) and the answer was no so that's good on the baggage front. Kiwi says he's a good bloke so I guess I'll just wait and see where it goes (if anywhere)...not putting expectations on anything...it tends to get me in trouble when I do.

Solidification

2008-04-11T14:36:00.007-05:00

So I'm tanked from my date with Nate. I thought it would be fairly sober but it wasnt't... and it was fun but i can't help but thinking what i did on Saturday night that you guys would sooooooo not approve of. So after mugging down on the balcony of Kiwi's place, I said my goodbyes and came home but looked up a certain number that i hadn't called in a very long time and happened to speak to for an hour. Alot of things triggered me to call him and the conversation went something like this:
"I look for you every where"
"You're a liar, you're not going back to Oz anytime soon...wtf?"
"Is it really you? I'm disgusting (from Monica from Friends when they find a nude photo of her and she says 'I'm Monica, I'm disgusting' yeah, I kept saying I'm disgusting which he totally didn't get. I was disgusting because I totally made out with someone 20 minutes before hand and then called him..."I'm disgusting.... "
"I want to see you again....Do you want to see me?"
To which he responded, "Yeah, I want to see the new Gucci bag" (at his old company he could have gotten me a discount)....I told him since he works for [Posh Department Store] he would have to get me a discount on the matching wallet. WTF?
"Don't blow smoke up my ass and tell me you're going to call...if you're not going to call just say it" to which he said "i'm going to call you this week....promise".

I am disgusting. I've been drinking with Nate since 2pm (it's 9pm now) and I'm wasted.

I've been on egg shells since my phone call with Kanger and giddy and breaking into hysterics becuase it was so ridiculous then Wednesday came around and his promise of calling me during the week was not around so I went into depression...but I also had Nate texting me and was otherwise distracted..I can't make someone hang out with me. Even if technically I'm secretly in love with him and don't know what to do.... it's somewhat insane...but that's just me.... i just made out with Nate at the bar and we went our seperate ways.... but i miss kanger ahhhhhhhhhhh.....

so i just called kanger from getting his number from my yahoo folder and some chick answered...(he's not dating anyone because in the hour that he filled me in on everything at 3am last saturday, he made the mistake of telling me this information)...so i hung up and texted..."are you 12? having you're friends answer...i've been drinking since 2pm on a date....and you can't give me 2 point 2? am i that awful?" and nothing folks. *UPDATE (He texted back at 1.30am _ "not sure what you mean by your text. hope you had fun on your date." WTF? it woke me up and i tried to call to redeem myself not crazy...ironic, eh? but no answer of course... do I write back to that? Mandy says no but if I absolutely must to write "I won't bother you again") thus he is 12 with a 5 year old daughter and i don't know why i do this to myself but i did. i've now erased his number in my hidden yahoo.com account folder and but am now back to the psycho that i was last august. i'm feeling sooooo good about myself. the only thing that is saving me is memories of this evening with Nate being hoisted on a post and wrapping my legs around him to kiss him (nothing else happened), only to be totally caught by the people that live in the flat we were making out in front of. i'm glad he went to his mate's party...but i so didn't need to come home and do this. ...what the eff is wrong with me???

To market, to market...

2008-04-06T12:44:00.004-05:00

"So who are you dating now?", Kiwi asked in a sing-song voice as he ushered me into his engagement party.
"No one at the moment. I gave up boys for lent so I'm just now back on the market, so to speak", I said shrugging.
"Well that'll change after tonight. I've got heaps of my mates coming round and they're all mostly single."

And so I went from only knowing Kiwi and his fiancé at the party to kissing one of his university mates (whom I actually had met in October) on the balcony of the party's flat. Classy, I know. Kissing bandit was in full force due to the champagne.

I said goodbye to Nate when I stuffed myself into a cab at 3am and have now been texting with him all day.

And thus the confusing world of dating or pseudo dating via text messaging begins.

UPDATE: Have a date with Nate on Friday afternoon. He's a busy boy (which I like-guys having their own friends is a huge turn on - unlike Skully who knew a handful of people in London, mostly attributed to his personality and poor attitude) but we both work half days on Fridays so we're meeting up then. Of course all planned via text. Argh!

More or less

2008-04-02T13:29:00.007-05:00

I can't decide which is more embarrassing:

Having a flake of bran leftover from your morning cereal on your bottom lip during an ENTIRE 2 hour meeting with your work colleagues that you see everyday?

OR

Having your tampons fly out of your bag on the tube, where you have to scramble to pick them up while avoiding ALL eye contact with the strangers (you will never see) that just witnessed the horror?

It's a toughy.

Times up...but not really

2008-03-27T14:03:00.005-05:00

Well, Lent is over and I'm officially/unofficially on the market again. The 40 days and 40 nights were actually really good for me. It made me see what I want out of a relationship.

Don't hate but I met up with Skully at the beginning of Lent (only because I saw him at work and decided that we could be friends, for work sake). I was reminded yet again why I'm not supposed to be with him - because he's a high strung ass - but I might have had a weak moment of kissing (the 3 glasses of wine made me do it and the devil). I quickly snapped out of it when I remembered that 1) he has a girlfriend he dumped me for and 2) I am sick of being the flipping side dish. I deserve to be the main course! So I asked him to leave and told him we couldn't be friends. I feel sorry for his girlfriend though. Lots of stuff could have gone way further but call me crazy for not wanting to feel like shit the morning after. Enough is finally enough.

I stayed on Lent for an additional day to repent for my slip up!

Anyway, I took the time to finally grieve over Kanger - I know pathetic - but it was much needed since there were the band-aids distracting me. Now I don't look for him everywhere I go in the city and my Facebook "browsing" has been kept in check, which is a huge fete.

So I'm ready. I'm not actively pursuing anything but I'm ready. I know I will feel that way about someone again. I don't need to rush anything because, big news, I'm in the process of negotiating to stay here permanently (the work stress I was vague about a few weeks ago).

I'm just going to let life happen. I've booked up my calendar with fun friend activities and who knows who I might meet while doing them!!!

What's the craic?

2008-03-20T15:18:00.009-05:00

Dublin was awesome! I loved Ireland and hope to go back soon to be able to do actual sightseeing. This trip was mainly St. Paddy's/my friend's birthday celebrations complete with getting green smeared all over my face from a certain Dutch boy that had a shamrock painted on his cheek. We danced the night away while I kept dodging his kissing advances. Don't worry, no kisses were shelled out but I think I'm still scrubbing the paint off! :) I highly recommend Cafe de Seine and The Porterhouse - both play excellent music!

I'm off to Houston tomorrow for the weekend (well until Tuesday). Thought I'd take advantage of having tomorrow and Monday off here. Should be a good and hopefully relaxing this time.

Have a great holiday weekend!

I leave you with some pics from the parade...

Top of the mornin'!

2008-03-16T09:19:00.004-05:00

I'm off to Dublin for St. Patrick's Day shenanigans. Super exited and hopefully some of that Irish luck will rub off on me! :)

With copious amounts of Guiness, it’s guaranteed crazy antics are sure to ensue!

Happy St. Paddy's Day!!!

Baby's got blue skies up ahead...

2008-03-11T14:49:00.011-05:00

This Tuesday is much better. The future looks and feels better. My mini freak-out subsided (but lingering ever so slightly) and I've been working things out, mostly in my head.

So my outlook on life is good and I'm concentrating on trying to just go with the flow when I hit a road block.

*Don't worry, I'm still on hiatus and currently listening (on repeat) the Garden State soundtrack.

Worked Up

2008-03-04T10:18:00.006-06:00

I'm at home now so as to NOT have my nervous breakdown at work. A lot of things are happening all at once and they're time sensitive so as to increase the pressure in my life. I know it will pass but I can't help crying uncontrollably and being a passive aggressive biotch to everyone that crosses my path.

In an effort to take me back to my youth, when times were so much easier and other people made my decisions, I just ate my weight in mini-strawberry cupcakes. I'm also watching this on repeat. It helps.

I hate being a grown-up!

IKEA is the bomb!

2008-03-02T11:21:00.008-06:00

Today, in an effort to help us forget about "Oops-upside-your-head-Thursday", HM and I ventured up to IKEA for some retail therapy. I had been semi-agoraphobic all day yesterday (plus needed to save money since I've been going out a lot lately) and was looking forward to our little outing. We were literally 10 feet away from making our purchases when we were ushered out of the store because of a bomb threat. Awesome. We didn't have to wait that long to collect our belongings, so it must not have been real.

But in the words of Elliot Reed, "What the FRICK?????"

Seriously, Universe?

Luckily, I'm finding all of this hysterically funny and I can't wait to see what's in store for next week!

Random acts of Violence

2008-02-29T11:57:00.006-06:00

Life is funny. One minute you're laughing over dessert and the next a stranger walks into the restaurant and bashes your head and your friend's head into the wall next to your table, sing songs "Sorry" and leaves with a smirk on his face then looks back at you through the window as you gaze at him with a dazed expression on your face, too in shock to fathom what just fucking happened.

After a couple of minutes, our waiter came by and asked if we knew him. I was like no we do not know the guy that just bashed our heads into the wall and even if we did...WTF? So HM and I sat there for at least 30 minutes in complete and utter shock. I called my dad and then the waterworks started. My dad calmed me down and said it was probably someone on drugs and that everything would be alright. HM and I kept looking at each other in utter disbelief. Then a police van pulled up to a commotion that was happening outside the restaurant. Turns out it was the guy that had assaulted us being arrested. My adrenaline cranked up and I ran out of the restaurant and asked the cop if I could give a statement and went into hysterics about how he just walked in and bitch slapped us into the wall. There was a big crowd gathered and I have no idea what all i said but I got very emotional.

Long story short, we went to the police station along with his other victims. Chronologically, he started with us, then went down the road where he pushed a lady locking up her store, forcing her to fall into her coworker standing there (she had to go to the hospital because she couldn't walk and the coworker's knee was the size of a grapefruit), then turned back in the direction he started and pushed a girl from behind forcing her to fall to the ground (she was sooo out of it at the station). Luckily this caused people to confront him and wrestle him to the ground, not before he pushed and kicked an old man trying to help the girl out. While we were waiting around to give our statements, a man came to the station. We asked if he was another victim and he was like no I just got a call that my son was arrested. I felt really bad for the man. He seemed so normal. The police officer that took my statement said the guy was mentally ill. Turns out 2 more people called the station from the hospital about being attacked by the same person, one with a broken hip. Not sure if the case will go to trial but still shocked that people (sane or insane) can be so incredibly evil.

I'm fine just have a bump on my head from hitting the wall as does HM. I keep playing it over and over. It happened so quickly but also in slow motion, if that makes sense. I know it could have been a LOT worse and I'm just glad that everyone is relatively okay.

Just 'cause she dances loco...

2008-02-27T13:19:00.008-06:00

Last night, Blake and I went to Nobu for his last supper (he left today for good). I think we all know that when I hang out with Blake debauchery is sure to follow and this was no exception. Needless to say, we had mojitos to start then shared a bottle of wine at dinner. We racked up quite a tab and Blake being Blake picked it up. Holla! :)

We ended up meeting up with Harris at a pub on Bond Street. I was just going to stay for couple of rounds but got persuaded to go with them to a strip club called Sophistikats. Blake played the "It's-my-last-night-and-we-won't-see-each-other-for-a-while" card. I'd never been (I've always wondered why men would want to get all hot and bothered and not be able to do anything about it!) and since I didn't want to miss out hanging out with Blake on his final night in London, I went along.

We walked in and I was immediately put at ease to see there were other fully clothed women, too! Phew! They were sitting next to the clientele of mostly businessmen but I quickly realized that they were actually the lap dance girls. WTF? We found our table and the guys told me I was a repellent for the dancers coming over. I got up to use the restroom and when I got back they were swarmed! The girls thought I was offended by them being at our table but we made sure to let them know I was just a friend. I asked each girl that come over for a lap dance (0 for me, 1 for Blake, 3 for Harris..WTF?) what perfume they were wearing because all of the girls smelled heavenly! Then 5 seconds later they'd be naked, gyrating on the floor for my friends. I just watched the main stage "showcase" when that happened! Note to self: must try Delicious by DKNY and Envy by Gucci. Anyway, the experience was different than I expected it to be (I was envisioning me being really uptight but I just became one of the guys) plus the music was the best ever!

We left at around 1am to find food before retreating to our respective homes and ended up at Burger King. Harris and I got this email from Blake this morning:

I could have gone out in style - my last meal in London was ALMOST the sashimi salad at Nobu.... But Noooooo - it had to be a Whopper and fries, with a side of Blue Balls.

To which I wrote back:

You might not have asked for the BK but you did however ask for the Blue Balls, yeah?

I miss him already!!!! I'm glad to know we both feel that every time we hang out we know it's going to be fun. He's one of my favorite people and we can tell each other anything. I can't wait to see him this summer when I meet him for trips on some weekends while he's in France.

PS. Harris was being very flirty and innuendo-y...remember we had a rendezvous at my birthday that nobody knows about, not even Blake...but I kept it in check. We texted today about how ill we felt and I called him out on being dirty in which he replied..."Yep, that's me...'three dance Harris'". At least he owns up to it!

Erasure

2008-02-25T05:14:00.007-06:00

You know what's the devil?....FACEBOOK. It tells you all sorts of jems, like a certain someone is still in London after telling me he was moving back to Australia in December and a certain outing at a club that happens to be 2 stops away from me in a month that he will be attending -don't worry I will not be making a drop by- that's a little psy-cho even for me. And I know I need to mentally ship him off and physically STOP checking. It's not healthy I know this and I vow to stop but wanted to give you insight into the crazy.

I did however make a HUGE step and erase all emails to and from him that were in one of my inbox folders. The emails are almost a year old and need to be trashed. High time to do some spring cleaning...on my heart. (say cheese)

I'm looking for a relationship that sounds like a Joshua Radin song (again) . Is that so hard to ask?

*Still on hiatus...just shifting through the shit. (I feel if I put this patheticness out to the internet/universe I will feel ashamed and stop - my very own nicorette patch).

Three-in-One

2008-02-21T06:27:00.006-06:00

I'm finally feeling back to normal from my debauchery on Saturday night. Getting old blows! And speaking of getting old (I turn 30 in, oh, 9 flipping months), is the universe completely mocking me that three (yes three!) of my friends have gotten engaged in the last week? Insanity!

While I'm nothing but utterly happy for them, I can't help but wonder how everyone else's lives are passing me by and I'm on the remedial course.

*P.S. One of the disadvantages for living abroad - I don't get the screaming, happy "I'm engaged, this is how he did it..." phone call because it happens while I'm sound asleep or they can't call international. Sadness. :(

Sloppy

2008-02-18T06:22:00.005-06:00

Well I survived Valentine's Day or what Mandy liked to call "Thursday". True I would have loved to have spent it with a gorgeous, trustworthy boyfriend but I was thankful for being alone this year and not having to spend it with some bloke that doesn't fully appreciate me.
----------------------------
Blake had a leaving party on Saturday night and as always we were up to our old antics. We started the night off with sushi and sake then went to a late night pub where more shots and drinks were consumed. By the end of it we were all dancing while Blake was creeping around the bar taking random pics of us with my camera. This got the attention of one of Blake's fraternity brothers and an acquaintance of mine from UT. I hadn't seen him in years and he's lived in London for the past 4 years. We exchanged numbers since it turns out we're neighbors.

At 3am when the pub closed down, we all thought it would be a great idea to continue the celebration at Frat Boy's friend's house. Blake and I were play fighting over how he didn't officially tell me he was moving and then vane of my existence happened...I got extremely car sick. The sushi was not holding up to the amount of alcohol in my system. We had to stop at Frat Boy's flat to get more alcohol and Prissy and I were able to pee there but my body was telling me to not get back in the cab with the others. So I decided to walk to the friend's flat and when I got there I proceeded to puke my brains out in the stranger's bathroom. In my dizzy stupor, I decided at 4.30am it would be a good idea to walk home alone (because there was NO way I was getting back into a moving vehicle). I slipped out the back door while no one was looking and then Frat Boy called and told me to come back but once I'm out of commission, I'm out of commission. I would have actually loved to catch up with him but it was not to be.

I ended up getting extremely lost and had to take a short cab ride (gag) to my neighborhood which sent my world spinning even further. Needless to say all of yesterday I was dying. I texted Frat Boy to tell him sorry for the drunken spectacle and that I hoped to see him around the area. We'll see...of course I'm still on hiatus from men but he would actually be a fun replacement for Blake.

Since I’m STILL feeling the aftermath of Saturday, I will not be drinking for a while…or you know until the weekend! :)

Update: I got this text back from Frat Boy: "Hey there. No worries. Good times saturday night, was a wreck on sunday though. definitely keep in touch and we'll meet up soon". Not sure what to think of this text but at least he won't tell our acquaintances what a train wreck I was!

ReLENT

2008-02-06T14:16:00.000-06:00

Since Easter is super early this year, I just realized today that it's the first day of lent. So I did some soul searching and decided to try that hiatus I was supposed to do months ago and give up boys for lent. No more worrying. No more cheating. No more heartache. Just no more.

For the next 40 days and 40 nights it's going to be me, me, me, and well, me. And of course my friends. And massages. And going to movies. And shopping. And figuring out my career. And still going out in this fantastic city.

But it's about time I start putting my energy into me.

Ventilation

2008-02-05T10:00:00.000-06:00

-I got a drunken text from Skully on Friday night "Hey. Little question. Are you still talking to me?". I had to text him back (ie. since we work together) so the next afternoon I texted a rhetorical "Why wouldn't I still be talking to you?". And scene. The curious part of me is all WTF was that about? The other part of me is whateves.

-The Blake thing is REALLY bothering me.

-In addition to that, it seems like at least 4 of my friends haven't emailed me back to a question I asked. WTF? I'm starting to get a complex.

-I'm having second thoughts about my job here. I love London but miss the more creative jobs I've had in the past. There might be an opportunity at my company to interview for something like that but I can feel myself being snippy because I hate my current job description. But it's a double edge sword because if I want to stay in London, I have to do this type of work. Otherwise, I will be shipped back to Houston.

-Which is stressing me out because I can't imagine myself living/working back in Houston right now or for a while. Nor can I see myself back in the states right now or for a while...dare I say ever? The point was reiterated on Sunday when I watched the Superbowl with a bunch of Americans. I had fun but they (the boys) were all just lacking something. An accent? A different cultural background than me? Culture, period? I know, I'm unpatriotic.

-I dropped my already breaking phone today and it DIED. Therefore tonight, instead of going home and relaxing with a bubble bath, I have to go and pay gold for a new one.

-I'm just one giant stress ball and want to just cry for no reason. It's one of those days where you feel the whole world is against you.

-I have an hour and a half massage scheduled for Saturday...but it just couldn't get here fast enough.

Slap in the flipping FACE

2008-02-04T10:46:00.000-06:00

Blake is moving in a month. He got laid off from his job that he hated and is moving to Austin where he was already in the process of closing on a condo. He’s going traveling before he leaves at the end of February and then he’ll be back in May for culinary school in France during the summer.

I’m very sad that one of my close friends is leaving sooner than his expected departure date in May. I am extremely hurt, however, that I know of this information through his flatmate, Prissy, and NOT him.

I could understand that he might be embarrassed that he was laid off but Prissy told me on Saturday at Rugby (Blake was supposed to go too but flaked out at the last minute so I didn’t get to see him) that he wrote a flipping post about it on his myspace page. He was actually overjoyed to be able to leave London, which he hated as well. You would think that someone you traveled to 3 different countries with, had blasts with every time you hung out and shared deep conversations with would have the decency to contact you about something like…oh yeah I’m moving in 20 days, thought you should know since we are pretty close. And it’s not like he’s been busy. He’s been Mr. Mom as Prissy called him hanging out on the weekdays, cooking and cleaning the flat. Plenty of time to email/text/call me to tell me this news.

I was going to contact him this week to say that I was sorry that he got laid off but I know he's happy about getting back to Texas and if he wanted to grab dinner...but he left for Berlin, then Prague today for the week (info through Prissy) and I can't decide if I should contact him when he gets back. It's sad really and also makes me want to scream WTF????????????? So hurt. And to make it worse...I'm 100% positive that Prissy told him that I was upset and still silence on the airwaves.

Sidenote: The last time I talked to him was after we hung out for the Patriots vs. Chargers game with Harris. We had soo much fun and he drunkenly talked about renting a villa (with a big group of people) in the South of France after his culinary school finished in August for a week. He followed up with an email the next morning when he was severly hungover to say that he was serious and that we should start investigating now. He was to go skiing that weekend so I didn't think anything of it for not talking to him but he's been back for a week and known about the lay off for 2 weeks and it's been was silence and crickets.

Experimentation (updated)

2008-01-29T03:38:00.001-06:00

I have a problem. It's called constantly having to be in control of situations and plan things out. I have been a busy social butterfly since I got back to London and all of a sudden this weekend I don't have definite plans. I know it's only Tuesday, but I don't work that way.

I have plans to go out on Thursday with friends (that we made a week and a half ago) and I soooooo want to email everyone to confirm but I'm not going to allow myself to do that. That's meddling and nothing good ever comes from that. I just need to let things unfold how the universe wants them to and relax. So that's my experiment this week. Hopefully I won't crack!

UPDATE: So, my little experiment worked. I didn't prompt a thing and this is what my weekend is looking like: Tonight I’m going out with my old co-workers (including the Cog, but I fully plan to behave myself...don't want to feel like crap tomorrow, physically and mentally). [The Cog was a no show, therefore no harm, no foul!] Friday, I totally forgot I have a leaving party for one of my friends. Saturday, I'm going to watch Rugby with Blake and crew and Sunday, I'm going to high tea at Kensington Palace with Prissy and then later that night going to watch part of the Superbowl with another group of friends (coincidentally in Kanger's neighborhood). Should be interesting.

Funny how things just come together if you let them! Lesson learned.

Reason #431

2008-01-24T11:44:00.000-06:00

Today during my project meeting, we had to conference call Half Moon to make sure he was sending us what we needed. He got so defensive and sarcastic (especially towards one of the big bosses) then ended the call by hanging up on us. My boss looked at everyone, smiled and said "What an asshole!". Then we all laughed at him. Half Moon's tone was so not warranted it was ridiculous.

It reminded me of when we were on dates he would be all sweet to me but then fly off the handle to everyone else. Waiters. Pedestrians in his way. A FAMILY. I think there was an episode on Seinfeld/Friends that Elaine/Phoebe dated someone like that and it would embarrass them.

So glad he did me the honors and I'm no longer associated! PHEW!!!!!! :)

How you doin'?

2008-01-22T06:39:00.000-06:00

Email between my friend Bynthia from Houston and me to best describe my weekend and how I'm doing:

Date: 21Jan08
From: Bynthia
To: Texas Cinderella
Re: what's up?

.....How about you? What did you do this weekend?

How are you doing with the getting past the loser boy…???

Date: 21Jan08
From: Texas Cinderella
To: Bynthia
Re: what's up?

.....I went out on Friday where I proceeded to meet a very handsome Irish bloke and we chatted for like 2 hours with witty banter…the whole 9 yards..he was perfection… then he told me he’s moving to Switzerland in 3 weeks…so I decided to take him down at the bar (kissed-he sucked at it) then left while he was in the bathroom. No need to waste time on something that isn’t going to go anywhere.

Saturday - Hangover city. Just dinner and a movie.

Sunday – Went to watch the Patriots vs. Chargers game with my friend, Raj, and randomly met up later with Blake and Harris…(you know the guy you want me to marry from my Florence pics?) So I didn’t realize this but Harris and I were extremely flirty according to Raj. Harris spent the night at Blake’s so we all shared a cab home and he kept giving me the mwah face to give me an air kiss goodbye when I walked away from the cab to my flat. Then this morning he emailed me asking if he did anything embarrassing and I said I really shouldn’t say just to mess with him. Hilarious! He asked me to be his friend on Facebook too! Ha!

So the answer to your question…Loser Boy who? Bridget Jones is BACK! (her nickname for me, also BSH's.)

So I had a pretty good weekend all around. I didn't even plan to meet up with Blake and Harris and we had the BEST time. I really need to remember this when I start freaking out about planning. Just go with the flipping flow.

Update: Skully, now lovingly referred to as Half Moon, stopped by my desk this morning. (WTF?) He'd been skiing all last week and I hadn't seen him since our break up 2 weeks ago. It was sooooo awkward and I was a little caught off guard but I asked about his trip and then he asked if I was having fun going out (which I have) but his tone was all too patronizing. Negative. It's weird to be so intimate with someone to now having a conversation, with no flirting what so ever, mostly about work. I'm happy to say there were no longing feelings for him after he left my desk. I'm officially over it! A TC World Record!!!!

Everything's Going to be Alright

2008-01-13T16:01:00.000-06:00

In the word's of Bob Marley, "No (wo)man, No cry".

This is weird. Normally when something like this happens, I want analyze it until it crumbles into teeny, tiny pieces (Hi, have we met?). But not this time. I sifted through the hurt of essentially someone cheating on me with their ex-girlfriend and I think I'm 90% over it. I think the additional 10% of getting over it will happen fairly soon, if not already. (I didn't eat that much this week, as I tend to do when going through a break-up, and have lost some weight, score! But the feeling of being punched in the stomach has gone and I now have my appetite back and therefore will be hitting the gym, boo!)

This weekend, I busied myself with Blake on Friday night complete with copious amounts of wine and banter. I told him my latest man drama and that in all honesty, I could never see myself bringing Skully around my friends because I would feel like I had a.) to babysit and b.) that his type of personality couldn't just mesh with a random group of people. I want that in a guy. Blake said I shouldn't have to settle for that and I totally I agree.

Saturday, I did a little (window) shopping and just reacquainted myself with London. It's amazing how much I missed being here while I was home in Texas. I met up with my friend Caroline and her boyfriend for dinner and a movie and while I didn't want to be the third wheel (other people were supposed to show but didn't), it was nice to see how a normal relationship worked. It should be effortless.

Today, I majorly organized my flat. Closet, drawers and all and I feel like I have a fresh clean start with everything. As Mandy says, I dodged a bullet and should be glad I only invested 1 month with Skully and his obvious hidden drama instead of 6 months from now getting the WTF?

I'm looking forward to my busy week ahead. I have Cirque du Soleil on Wednesday, a night out with co-workers on Thursday and Ice Bar with friends on Friday.

Should be fun times and I'm excited to see what 2008 brings my way!

2008 - off to a bumpy start

2008-01-09T08:05:00.001-06:00

I hope you all had a great holiday!

I'm back in the UK and and so glad to be back in my second home. I had a great time while at home for 2 weeks and an even awesomer time in San Francisco with Mandy. We were up to no good and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

I've been quiet lately because I'm afraid of the responses I would get about not following your advice of going on hiatus. And while I honestly tried, I couldn't help what happened next. Call me a fool or just a helpless romantic that is optimistic when it comes to love. I now call myself delusional.

It goes back to my birthday at the end of November. A few weeks before that, I had invited Skully to attend because I liked him. Long story short, my birthday celebration came and I avoided him trying to meet up with my friends and I like the plague. I wanted to enjoy my day without feeling like I had to babysit someone. And I really did have a blast with my friends. The next day however, I felt terrible that he waited for like an hour and a half for my friends and I to show up at the original meeting spot (I changed the venue at the last minute since it was raining). Since we work together, I didn't want there to be any hard feelings so I texted to tell him I was sorry that the wires got crossed. Somehow I got roped into meeting him for drinks with him and his brother's fiance that night. That's when my feelings changed. He was a real person with cute growing up stories. He seemed different to me. So he told me things were different now. (Before remember there was the whole love triangle scenario with his ex that I wanted no part of). I voiced my concern about it again and he reassured me that he broke up with her because he could never love her...plus she was a depressed, alcoholic and had jealousy issues.

So we hung out and he called when he said he would and we went to our company party and had a blast. He spent the entire weekend with me that weekend, never going home. Then after that he spent 95% of his nights at my place before I left for the states on the 21st and he left for a month long Moroccan surfing and France skiing adventure.

He called about 3 times the first week I was gone and right before New Year's when I was at the airport to go to San Fran. We had a good conversation and he said he would call in a couple of days.

A couple of days and a week and a half went by. Intuition is a powerful thing really. I can feel when something isn't right yet I try to tell myself that I'm just being negative. I should have listened from the beginning of my gut concern of him getting back together with the ex.

He called at noon today to tell me he couldn't see me anymore. And that he was in London and had been for a couple of days. He took so long to call because he had to pluck the courage to tell me that he had flown back to see N and that they weren't back together but they weren't not together and that it wasn't fair for me if he continued to see me. He did this while I was at flipping work. I'm now at home. Nothing productive would come out of me being there today really. I'm reflecting on my life choices more than him really.

But still gobsmacked.

But like the others, I'll survive....again. Please don't judge to harshly.

On a side note: I called Kanger (no answer) and had diarrhea of Facebook messages (no reply thank God!) on New Year's Eve night. Even had a cry fest with Mandy at 3am in the morning that I wanted Kanger sans baby and baggage. So I know I'm not 100% into Skully....but it doesn't prevent the sting and smarting.

Crazy Busy

2007-12-16T15:07:00.000-06:00

I know I haven't posted lately and it's only because I've been crazy busy. When I got back from having an awesome time in Florence with lots of drunken singing on stage and at karaoke, I had to jump head first into work. Everyone bailed on my project and so it's basically just me running the show. But here's what I've been up to:

-celebrated my 29th birthday and had a blast!
-went to my company Christmas party and had a blast!
-had a friend Christmas party with my American friends in London at Sketch and had a blast!
-only have 4 days of work left before I head to Houston to spend Christmas and time with friends and family, visit Mandy in San Fran for New Year's and you guessed it, plan to have a blast!

I hope you guys are well and I'm looking forward to the new year and my new clean slate!

Dare di Ringraziamenti

2007-11-21T10:25:00.000-06:00

After a hellacious mini-week, mostly trying to avoid my new boss's belly button protruding through his ever so tight button-down shirt (my eyes, MY EYES!) while holding my breath to steer clear of the cat urine smell emerging from his direction, I'm off to Florence!

Now before you get all on me for going back, I'm traveling this time with 4 of my friends and we're all staying in the same room, well suite. I don't even know if I'll see Gianluca while I'm there. He actually helped to get our hotel sorted and said that we could meet for drinks on Thursday but who knows. (He also has a girlfriend now but we're friends and I have no feelings towards him- my how things have changed in a year!)

I'm planning on having a blast with Blake and Harris, who are flipping hilarious if I haven't mentioned that before, as well as Blake's roommate Prissy and her friend from NYC - they're already in Italy and meeting us for 2 nights. Should be good times and plenty of antics. And of course, plenty of wine!

Arrivederci!

He's an ass man

2007-11-18T11:50:00.001-06:00

Last night, while my friend and I were enjoying a couple of drinks and minding our own business, we were rudely interrupted by this staring back at us from the bar.

I didn't realize it was a full moon last night! We were laughing hysterically because a) did he not feel the draft? and b) he was totally going commando - this did not need to be publicized! We couldn't decide if this display was on purpose but he was clearly by himself and not trying to just entertain friends.

Thinking that the ass crack situation couldn't get any worse, he sat down on one of the bar stools...

And yes we acted like we were back in the 11th grade sneaking pics, but there were a group of Australians that were actually posing next to him and pretending to pinch his butt (without him knowing, of course). I traded information with one of the guys because he wants to use one of my pics for his Facebook profile.

So you see, there are people more immature than me!

Reflections

2007-11-11T15:03:00.000-06:00

This weekend has been really good for me. I went to a birthday party on Friday night, watched the Longhorns beat Tech on Saturday night, then shopping and walking around the city on Sunday.

In between socializing, I had "me" time where I finally had an epiphany as to why things haven't exactly been going smoothly in the boy department: I didn't have a full grieving process with Kanger and kept band-aiding my feelings with Cogs or Skullys which only added to the confusion and heartbreak.

I've been reading the book Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert and this line struck a cord with me: ...never again use another person's body or emotion as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings. Enough said. So now that I'm finally clear of that (boys), I went through old posts from February to the present and grieved properly. It actually took less time than I thought...probably because it in a way has been on going. I know you guys are sick of hearing about it, but this is my outlet, so letting it out, I will do.

I want to be giddy and excited about someone again. To have things be meaningful and special and the wondering of things to come. And most importantly, I want those feelings to be reciprocated back, equally. I know I'm not ready, that the wounds aren't fully healed but I know they will be someday.

I watched Sliding Doors this afternoon and it reminded me that no matter what choices I make or obstacles that happen in my life, everything is going to work exactly as it should.

And I'm finally starting to believe it.

*On a side note: I just got an extension to stay in London for 3 more months after my contract ends at the end of November. Yippee! Although work is about to get crazy, at least I'm still here and that's exactly where I want to be.

New Lease

2007-11-04T14:04:00.000-06:00

I've decided to go ahead and take some of your advice (thanks Melissa) and go on a mini-hiatus from boys. I had the last straw with Skully this week when things got decidedly cringeworthy and it solidified this decision. So no more boys. Of course I'm still going to think about them because I'm only human but no more drama. No more baggage. No more heartache. Seriously.

In support of this decision I had a great weekend just being one of the guys until 4am* then waking up at 2pm. (Alone). Wash. Rinse. Repeat. We (Blake, his friends that I've meet before from NYC) went drinking and ended up randomly dancing both nights - only my favorite pass time! - and it was nice not to be groped by guys wanting only one thing. We laughed until our stomachs hurt at the most ridiculous things and it was just good fun with the guys. I loved every minute of it. I didn't have to worry about saying and doing the wrong things, I was just myself.

And it felt good to be back.

*Good thing I'm smart and took it easy this weekend since I'm not completely over my cold but you only live once, right?

Eejit

2007-10-28T03:49:00.001-05:00

British for Idiot. Idiot who makes out with yet another coworker. Eejit.

Earlier in the week, Skully and I ran into each other in my building again. We chit chatted and he told me about his weekend and how he went to see the movie Stardust, not his decision. That triggered that he was still with his girlfriend so I thought what the hell, he and I can be friends and asked if he was going to the company happy hour for young professionals on Thursday. He didn't know anything about it so I forwarded him the info.

On Thursday I received an email from him very early in the morning asking when I was leaving work to go to the happy hour, how I was getting there, etc. I told him my plans and that if he wanted he could take the shuttle bus to my new building and ride the tube with us (my other friends that were going). I also told him that I was heading to his building to do some work and that I would probably see him there.

My old office that I was working in is secure so no one can get in unless they have access, so as I was walking back to the front I could see Skully peering into my office. He didn't see me but it sent a giddy tingle down my spine that he was looking for me. I went to the pub shortly after with my friends (read: Cog's friends) and came back to an email from Skully asking if I was going for a beer at lunch. I decided I would just go by his desk and apologize for getting the email after I had already left.

There is something about him that makes me nervous. And even though I told myself I wouldn't turn red, I did, especially when he asked for my number "in case he got lost from his building to mine". Right.

In the meantime my friends that were supposed to go with me totally bailed and I was left to go with Skully by myself to meet up with Kiwi and his friends and this other guy I knew at happy hour.

When Skully and I arrived, we were the ONLY people there, so we grabbed a drink and settled in by the fire. We were chatting about family stuff he's the youngest of three boys and then more important things like he's not with his girlfriend but they still hang out since they are both new to London. Just as I was about to fish for more info, Kiwi walked in and we continued to have several rounds. It wasn't a good turn out but we all had fun.

After even more drinks, Skully and I were able to talk a little more about our past relationships in which I told him I only seem to date Australians. He was intrigued by this.

We all got kicked out at around 11pm (for some reason) and headed home. This other guy was tagging along and kept leaning into me to try to flirt but I was like um negative and tried my hardest to avoid his advances. Politely.

Luckily he had to catch another tube than Skully and I and left us standing in the streets. Skully suggested we grab another drink (that was sooooo not needed at this point with who knows how many under my belt). I agreed and in we went where we got even cosier.

I really wish I could remember our conversation fully but I remember bits and pieces: he could tell I was interested and he was interested too, he doesn't sleep with his ex and can count on both hands how many times they've done it since June (what?) they are just good friends.

Then he kissed me. And it was good. And complicated and I told him so. I told him I didn't want to be the other woman. That I'm always the other woman, etc. and that we work together. He said that was a technicality since we don't directly work together and now that I work in the other building it's not the same. Whatever. He asked your place or mine?

I said mine but no funny business. Only kissing. We walked to the tube and somehow I learned that he lost his virginity at 12 (!!!!!!) and that he's lived with 3 other girlfriends before. Oh and that he knew his current ex 3 months before they decided to go on the 4 month tour of the Americas and the Caribbean. WTF?

So we got to my flat and started kissing and somehow his hands were wondering and I decided (the drinks decided) that it would be fine if no major things happen (read: sex or any other form of it). So we did stuff and it was nice but then confusing. He told me he had never dated an American before and my comment was sarcastically, so we're dating now? He, of course, fell asleep and I lay awake wondering what all this meant and if I was going to get the reputation of the office slut. Awesome!

My alarm went off at 6:30am and he got up to get dressed because he had to go home first to change for work. So he kissed me deeply while I was lying in bed and then again after I wrapped myself in a blanket to let him out.

I went to work severely hungover and didn't get an email/text/call from him. Awesome. Still haven't and it's Sunday morning.

I've been sick all weekend and I just want someone to care enough about me to bring me soup and watch movies with me and not try anything while I get better. I can't do the whole only sex thing again. It wrecks me.

So if he asks me out on a proper date, I'll go. But there will be no funny stuff and most importantly NO ALCOHOL. Honestly, I don't care one way or the other because he is so fresh out of his last relationship and like I said I can't be the other woman. That would just make me an eejit yet again.

Strategery

2007-10-19T12:50:00.000-05:00

Things are getting interesting with Skully.

I moved office buildings so we are no longer in the same vicinity so when I saw him looking for his boss that happens to be on my new floor, I panicked. Lately, I've been turning bright red whenever I talk to him - so embarrassing! My immediate thought was to walk away from my desk, gain my composure and then nonchalantly run into him when returning to my desk. Thinking he didn't see me, I high tailed it to the kitchen and just as I was about to walk out to make my "re-entrance", Skully bolted into the 4 x 4 little room after me.

We chatted for a while and were a tad flirty and I told him that I would be over in his building later in the week. We left with a lingering-ish look as we parted ways. I was giddy.

Yesterday, I went to the pub with some of my old coworkers (read: Cog's friends) and who should walk in but Skully. I was planning to stop by his desk later in the day but this worked out even better! Needless to say we proceeded to talk the entire time. (Yeah, report this flirtation back to the Cog next week guys! jk). Skully just moved to my area (Um he knew the amount of time from his stop to mine: 5 minutes and the number: 2 stops...mmmmhmmmm) and suggested we get together for dinner sometime since we're practically neighbors. I tried to sound interested but not overly so. When he was heading out, I decided it was time for me to leave, too. Or the drinks decided that. Drinking at lunch while talking to your crush equals Russian Roulette.

He stopped to get some chips (french fries) and we continued chatting and then when it was time for me to turn for my office he said, "Okay, I'll see you around". WTF? This, of course, left me a little baffled because hello he mentioned dinner sometime and then my inner monologue decided that like with Kanger I had too much to drink in front of him and he got turned off. I racked my brain the whole day naturally tried to plan my next move with him.

Meanwhile, yesterday before he left for the day he sent me an email with the address of the shopping mall he had told me about at the pub. I could have been really forward and asked him to accompany me, or when dinner was, etc. but I kept it flirty and light with "Thanks for the info! You do realize you just added fuel to my already out of control shopping habit, right?". Which he responded, "Ahhh...you can always expense it...." whatever! So I emailed, "Very funny... Have a good weekend!". I figure it's a good start. He's emailing me without me, you know, emailing first and suggesting things without, you know, me suggesting it first. And he opens doors and is really cute despite the shaved head but it's growing on me.

There's a work happy hour next Thursday that I might slip into the conversation when I stop by his desk next week to see if he's going (or even knows about it)...

There's just two teeny, tiny problems: 1) We work together and we all know how that worked out for me... and 2) He just moved out/broke up with his girlfriend. His girlfriend that he traveled to South America, the US, Costa Rica, etc. with for like 4 months. So he has baggage that is somewhat fresh and I don't want to be the rebound. But if anything we can be friends.

It doesn't help though that I had a dream about him last night with a fabulous make out session. It's the flipping accent.

Yikes!

Distractions

2007-10-04T03:26:00.000-05:00

These past few weeks have been crazy!

I've been to a couple of concerts lately The Dandy Warhols and Lovers Electric- both brilliant. Been going out a lot. Was propositioned while meeting up with friends at a bar across town by a drunk Australian (of course) "before I go home, can you give me a wank?". WTF? I replied "probably not going to happen!" over my shoulder. This past weekend a bloke was chatting me up and then proceeded to try to kiss me while my friends weren't looking and tell me all the different ways he would pleasure me-very graphically. Um...hi, we just met like 5 seconds ago and that is a HUGE turn off! Why can't I just meet someone normal?

At least I had these incidents to distract me from thinking about the rumor that was going around in the Houston office that my name was on a list to go to Singapore. Excuse me, what? Needless to say the freak out occurred and now I have my list of reasons why I don't want to go there all prepared if and when I'm approached. Mainly I have established a life HERE and call me crazy but I don't feel like living in a hotel for months again. I had a meeting with one of the big bosses again today that was reassuring that I would be still staying in London. Thank God! But I'm not going to feel 100% great about it until I sign another contract.

I've also been rather down lately about the relationship situation or lack there of. I got into a huge yelling match on the phone (sound familiar? do you see a pattern?) with the Cog after a bottle of wine on Thursday with friends and no dinner. I don't even want to BE with him....I think it's just the principle of him not wanting to date me only...you know and hello I should be the 28 year old tart he should be falling all over. I know. I'm fucked up. I might have texted him when we hung up "i don't want to keep you from all the 40 year-olds (at the pub he was at) that might get away". I think I have anger issues, too. (Back story: there was a relapse 2 weeks ago when he was in town for a dinner).

I'm going through some issues. What the fuck is wrong with me? I'm just hoping for more distractions...of the good kind.

Inappropriate much?

2007-09-24T15:14:00.000-05:00

Blake and my conversation on Saturday night (after 3 powerful, delicious margaritas) at my friend M's surprise birthday dinner.

Blake: What'd you do for your birthday last year (November 30th) since you had just moved here? I bet it was pretty boring...

TC: (Thinking and then remembering) Not really.... I went to Italy and got boned.

Blake: (Breaking into a grin) Man, you are such a slut.

We fell into a fit of giggles before realizing that 2 pairs of new acquaintance eyes, across the table, were staring at us in shock of what they had just overheard.

TC: (Grabbing a chip and addressing them) Fabulous guacamole, isn't it?

Acting like something never happened is always the best policy but I'm thinking I made a lasting first impression.

(I brought Blake as my "date" since I knew it would potentially be all couples and I wasn't down for being the 11th or whatever wheel. Why don't marrieds and couples remember what it was like being single and having to go to events ALONE! I will make sure to remember this when I'm coupled up...that is if any singles still exist by then!)

Dorkville, UK: Population, 1

2007-09-20T13:35:00.000-05:00

Mr. Bean (aka tall Aussie at my office - his name is Rowan and Mandy calls him Mr. Bean so it's stuck) changed desks and is now in the common area or open concept area, making him even more accessible to make the "eye contact". And the eye contact I have been making, except I was beginning to think it was blatantly obvious that I was always looking in his direction, so I made a vow to myself today to not look that way.

Earlier this morning I was coming out of my office area (see diagram), when this older man who happened to be walking by, asked what went on behind the door. I told him we made chocolate back there (I know I should have my own stand up comedy routine) and then told him what we really did. New friend made.

Cut to 4:45pm. I went to get a snack from the shop and as I was walking back to my office through the common area, Mr. Bean was grabbing his coat to leave for the day and about to head in my direction to go out the front door. As I saw all of this progress, my new friend came into view slightly in front and diagonal to Mr. Bean, walking towards my direction as well. I decided to give the most retarded little wave to my new friend but it TOTALLY looked like I was waving goodbye to Mr. Bean Ah! I continued to walk to my office and when I got to the (high security door) I looked back to make a comment to my new friend (you know something like, "Back to the Willy Wonka Chocolate Factory") but instead it was Mr. Bean and we just smiled at each other. I slunk back to my desk mortified and smirking at the dorky situation. Classic!

400 Sri Lankans and an American

2007-09-17T06:21:00.000-05:00

Saturday proved to be an interesting and educational day when I went to my coworkers wedding. It was a church wedding and when I arrived 30 minutes late (due to getting lost in Essex), I was greeted by a packed cathedral, with all the women adorned in their best saris. I sat on the back pew and during the ceremony I nipped out to eat a snickers at the petrol station across the street, since I had the shakes and a major headache - I didn't miss anything since the service was an hour and a half mass! It was beautiful, save the worst duet in history, and had my mother been there, inappropriate shoulder movement from laughing silently would have occurred. Thank god she was safely across the ocean, but I looked around the church to see if anyone else was in agreement with my thoughts. They hid them very well. Luckily I knew a couple of people from work and the groom, our coworker, sat us all together which was nice. I do love assigned seats! We had a few snacks of samosas, and fish balls and some other typical South Asian cuisine in the lobby then we went to the main area, beautifully decorated and massive. The place was packed and they played music that someone at my table described as sounding "like a snake is going to come out of a basket soon!". The bride and groom finally arrived and I swear they were treated like Brangelina with everyone snapping photos of them as they made their way to the bride and groom table. They had beautiful lays around their necks and the brides wedding dress, on closer inspection, was a sari as well, white with intricate beading and sequins. Thinking that if the wedding started at 3:30pm then it would be over by at least 7pm (by American standards anyway) so I had made plans earlier in the week to meet Blake and his friend Harris at around 8:15pm to watch the Longhorns beat UCF. I texted him at 7pm that I was just sitting down for dinner, since the speeches had started, and would be a little late. The speeches continued for another hour and a half and at 8:30pm when they cut the cake, had their first dance and asked people to join them on the dance floor, we still had not eaten. Everyone at my table kept looking at each other like where the eff is the food? Apparently in the Sri Lankan culture, there are speeches, cutting of the cake, dancing, THEN eating and everyone goes home. At 9pm, there was no sign of the grub so I decided I needed to leave to meet Blake (since it was my idea to watch the game together). Hopefully I didn't offend my friend by leaving before the food (I was told on Monday that the food wasn't served until 10pm!!!).

Everyone at my table questioned if I was really going to McDonald's! I wish.

_______________________________________________________________

I met Blake and Harris at the Sports Cafe in town, in my wedding attire as I didn't have time to go home to change. It actually was working for me since I got several "how you doin'?" looks -might try that again, but no numbers due to Blake and Harris unintentionally cock blocking me!

Harris just moved to London a month ago from Philly and is flipping hilarious! He was really flirty and I wasn't really attracted to him but if someone is funny, they always become ridiculously good looking to me. When Blake jokingly said I had a boyfriend, Harris was all up on my shiznit and asked if my boyfriend was in London or in the states? I replied that I didn't have a boyfriend and he (I thought) looked relieved.

Cut to an hour later when I was making a point and quoted Mean Girls (I know) by saying "Irregardless....". Harris said his girlfriend says that all the time. Excuse me? WTF? She apparently lives back in Philly. Whatever, he can make a good guy friend. We finished watching the game and headed over to China town for some much needed food at 1am.

It was so much fun hanging out with guys on a strictly platonic level. I was laughing so hard that my stomach hurt. Hilarious! Blake really is one of the funniest people I know. When we told Harris goodbye, Blake and I went looking for a cab to share since we live in the same area. I was freezing, so he put his arms around me and was like "I need something sweet after that meal" and I was like "there's a deli you can grab some chocolate" and he was like "No no...I was thinking of some sugar. Are you going home with me?" then dropped back and snapped his fingers to let me know he was totally joking (phew). Some people in a pedicab saw it and yelled, "Yeah man, go for it!!!". Too funny!

We laughed uncontrollably about the most retarded things all the way home.

It was a good end to a great day.

******Can someone please explain why my profile and links are so far down the page now? I am blogger illiterate apparently!!! Thanks!***************

Today was a good day

2007-09-12T13:44:00.000-05:00

The big boss told me that after my project is complete in November, he will find something else for me more long term and that there are tons of opportunities for me in London! Yippee!

I noticed sooooo many hot guys. Like everywhere. And at work. (Trouble). I chatted to one today while fixing my coffee and he ironically starts on my project tomorrow. He's new and he's Australian. Another one is Australian as well, and I've noticed him since I moved here, but we just started the "Hi. How are yous?" last week. My mission is to have a full conversation with him to get the ball moving. I can't hold it against them that they hail from the same country as what's his name.

While waiting in the queue at the grocery store tonight I saw a hot guy take his place behind me...then I heard this conversation with his "friend" that joined him.

Gay guy #1: What do you have there?
Gay guy #2: Just chocolates and sweets. I’m totally stressing out. Oh my god, do I look like I’m stressing out!?!?!?!?
Gay guy #1: (Thinking) You look like a fat chick waiting in line. I’m not trying to be mean..I’m just saying. Don't you think you should put at least one thing back?

Effing hilarious! They were American and of course gay, hence the hotness. It took all I had not to bust out laughing. I did that all the way home and reminded myself to check in with my friend Kevin (that lives here) after fashion week! I need to take Emetron's advice and reconnect with my gay male friends!

Things are looking up. Things. Are. Looking. Up!